6 Things to NEVER do...

Ok boys, here are a few things you are NEVER allowed to do. And, if you do them, expect swift and severe punishment. There will be more of the "rules" to follow as I think of them.


1) NEVER...Hang out in front of the mall and smoke. Do not be THAT kid. I will end you. Smoking is bad enough and I will throttle you unmercifully for it. However, if you try and be cool and advertise to the world that you are somehow cooler for smoking in front of the mall...I will end you.

2) NEVER...Play the stare-down game with someone in another car, just because you are with your buddies and you think you are tough. You might be, but there are always tougher dudes out there looking for a reason to prove it. They may call your bluff and it might not be with just their fists.

3) NEVER...Fail to open a door for a female who is within 20 feet of you. Especially after making eye contact. This applies to people with small children and basically anyone who looks to be in need of common courtesy. A little nice goes a long way.

4) NEVER...Start a fight for no good reason. Walk away if you can. If you can't, then finish it the other way. Respectfully put the other person on the ground. Hard. Then offer them a hand up.

5) NEVER...Lie. Even if it rips your guts out, tell the truth. If you don't, and I catch you lying...I will rip your guts out.

6) NEVER...Forget that no matter what you do, or what anyone does to you...I will always love you.

I am Sabretooth

I am Sabretooth. Jake is Wolverine. Brady is The Beast. Mommy is Rogue. We are all nerds.

Our battles usually start with Wolverine and The Beast picking a fight with me. I am not a coward so I accept their challenge. Ferocious tickling ensues until Rogue comes in to absorb my powers with a slight touch and send me crashing to the floor. Being a mutant with super-fast healing ability, I quickly recover.

Then Wolverine and Beast take refuge high atop Mt. IKEA. I growl and snarl, daring them to come down. Eventually they come down and it's on like Donkey Kong. They get tossed onto the Beanbags of Doom. Then lifted high into the air into my patented double-leg reverse tickle. Finally back down to be pinned to the ground and tickled into submission.

Eventually I lose every battle, but I will win the War. Oh yes, I will win.

Land of 1000 Dances

Poor to very poor quality but still, it's cool. The boys dig on this song like you wouldn't believe. They have all the grunts, yells, and na-na-na's down. Kind of a "have to be there" thing, but thought I'd share it anyway.

Roping the wind

We had to seperate the squirrels today. We do this every once in a while just let them know that they are actually seperate people. Most of the time they spin around together like they are caught in a three-foot tornado. Stuff flies out of the vortex unexpectedly, things get broken, and the innocent are left crying and helpless in the wind.

For now, the little microbursts are napping soundly in their beds. No doubt dreaming of new and exciting ways to tear the house apart.

Fight the Power

Brady thinks he has control over all of God's creation. Well, he does until someone tells him otherwise. Yeah, he's two and that comes with the territory, but still. His newest revolt is going to sleep. Used to be you could put him in bed, two stories later he is sawing logs. The last week or so, he's been sitting up demanding things, crying, yelling at us, yelling at Jake, and just generally fighting "The Man".

Tonight, even Jake had to tell him to be quiet and to go to sleep. When the King of singing, talking, and playing Superman in bed, tells you to be quiet and go to sleep...you have a problem. Brady, son, I love you...but please. Enough already. Just GO TO SLEEP!

It's hot dude.

Today, I finally had to break down and admit that it is indeed too hot. I could feel the sweat evaporating off my skin, only to be replaced by more sweat. All day long I looked like one of those Gatorade commercials where the dudes are just dripping. Except my sweat isn't all sorts of pretty Day-Glo colors. No matter how much water I drank, my body kept telling me,"Dude we need more water in here." Drink. Sweat. Drink. Sweat. Sweat. Sweat. Hallucinate. Have circular conversation with myself. Drink. Sweat.

And then, somehow, I finally got home. The boys had just gone down for a nap, but Jake was still awake, talking in his bed. I go in his room;

"Hey buddy, it's time to go to sleep."

"Daddy can I have a hug and a kiss?"

"I'm real dirty, so how about just a kiss?"

"Sure, Daddy." (mmmmwah)

"I love you pal, get some good sleep."

"I love you too Daddy, I'm happy you're home."

"I'm super-happy to be home with you Jake."


That's what it's all about. I can take anything mother nature can dish out as long as I have that kinda action when I get home. Good stuff.

Happy Father's Day

Happy Day dudes. I got a belt & disc sander. I was the first person in the door when Toys R Us opened. My boys are running around in Superman shirts, and laughing. All this and it's only 12:45PM. Nice. Best. Father's Day. Ever.

OK...now, it's 10:15PM and the day is done. Time to clarify and recap a few things.

Belt and disc sander. No, I didn't get a waist belt AND a disc sander. It's a power tool that includes both a disc sander and belt sander in one tool. It's sweet and it's all mine. Uh..and no, you can't borrow it.

Toys R Us. What can I say? I am a 29 year old toddler. We spent over an hour in there, but I wanted to stay longer. From bikes to trains, to video games it's the biggest toy store there is. I don't wanna grow up, but even if I did, I'd wanna be a Toys R Us kid. It's true.

Superman. I have been a Superman nerd since I was a wee lad. I get chills when I hear the Superman theme. So, now that the boys have caught the fever, I am completely regressing into my 5-year-old self. June 28th cannot come fast enough.

So thats the clarification. Now on to the recap.

The boys took a nap. Bonus. I went to Home Depot. Double bonus. We went to see our respective families, and no insanity ensued. Triple Bonus.

This has been just a completely perfect day from start to finish. Thank you Cindy for setting this all up for me, and for the most important part...my boys. Without you letting me be the Father of these two, I would never have my belt and disc sander....I mean I would never get to know the outright joy of being a Daddy.

All better now

Earlier tonight I was rushed to the hospital. First they took x-rays to determine the extent of my injuries. The doctors concluded that I needed emergency exploratory surgery right away. I was whisked to the OR where the two finest surgeons in the world went to work on me.

Turns out I had eaten a toybox, a bicycle, a shirt, Shrek, an apple, an orange with the peel on it, a pair of pants, an eyeball and other assorted nonsense. I don't remember ingesting all of that, but I'm sure glad they got it all out of me. But that wasn't the end of it. I also needed a brain transplant. Luckily, there was one readily available and they had it swapped out in no time at all.

They stitched up my head and stomach and applied bandages and kisses liberally. Normally, this would have been extremely uncomfortable to be recieving kisses from your doctors but, I let it slide this time. I figure they saved my life, that's the least I can do.

I really gotta start watching what I eat.

Books

Do you like books? I do. I like books on History, War, Politics, Nature, Wilderness Survival, and *ahem* Superheroes(comic books). However, what I read mostly are books dealing with deep social issues. Complex tales involving multiple characters, subplots, and emotions. Books that teach a lesson while at the same time being visually stimulating.

Yeah, I read a lot of children's books. Over and over. The thing is, the more I read them, the more I don't like "real" literature. I can invest maybe 5 minutes in a children's book and it's smiles all around and, "Read it again Daddy!" Or, I can read one of my most favorite history books for hours and all I get is a head full of useless knowledge and sleepy eyes. Do the math.

Before the boys, I would read a 300 page book in one night, maybe two if I was feeling lazy. Now, I read my books maybe once or twice a week. And thats when I'm needing an extra dose of drowsy.

When I'm an old man, and I have the time to read whatever I choose, whenever I choose what will I reach for? Chances are it will be something from the Seuss collection. If my eyes fail me, it won't matter because I know all of those stories by heart. I will sit and remember the times I read them to my boys, and the smiles we all shared.

Enough already.

I'm fed the heck up with driving around this city and seeing little kids ditty bopping around unrestrained in moving vehicles. No excuse. Absolutely none. You can go to any police station and some hospitals here and get a free car seat. FREE! So, it must be pure laziness. Unbelievable.

On the way home from the mall tonight we saw a disturbing example of this behavior. A newer Isuzu Rodeo with a little child jumping around in the backseat. That's bad enough, but once we got close to the vehicle, we could clearly see that the driver had her seatbelt securely fastened. OK. That says all I need to know about that person. She values her safety over the childs safety. Perfect. As if I didn't have enough wonderful feelings for the selectively retarded members of our society.

Buckle your kids up before my head explodes. Please.

June 6th 1944

Could you do it? Could you step off that landing craft? 62 years ago today, 1465 American men took their last steps off those boats. That's just in one day. On one long stretch of sand in France.

My sons, this is bravery.

This Memorial Day we went to the Memorial Cemetary to pay our respects. We'd never been there before and it was high time to pay a visit. We got the boys in their "My Uncle G is fighting for my future" shirts. They didn't know what to expect, and neither did we.

I didn't expect to see so many people. There was a steady stream of cars pouring in to the parking lot. The main drive was lined with large American flags. Volunteers placed hundreds of small flags above each headstone. Obviously, most of the people coming there, didn't know anyone buried there. People stopped to look, to pray, to take pictures.

We walked around quite a bit. We helped an old Veteran find a plot he was looking for. We showed the boys the plaques, the memorials and the graves. They don't really understand the signifigance, but someday they will. I will make sure they do.

"I'm sah-wee!"

Brady my man, you are the King of the pre-emptive apology. You have finally developed the fear of punishment. Actually in your case the fear of getting caught. Whenever you create some kind of mess, or explosion, or breakage...you say, "I'm sorry", even though we may or may not have witnessed your crime. It's cool, because it lets us know that it was indeed your fault, and that you know you did something wrong. Scratch that...you recognize that whatever you did WE will think is wrong. Either way it's both ridiculously cute and cool and it makes me proud of you. But heck, you don't have to do anything but breathe for me to be proud of you. Keep it up dude.

Easy Mac

What you have here is two little dudes enjoying a little Playhouse Disney on the computer. Uhh, but what is that white stuff they are eating? Marshmallow? No. Cheese? Not even close. Yogurt covered fruit of some kind? Heck no.

It's cauliflower. Oh yeah, cauliflower. Straight up, no dipping sauce required. They love it. We got some weird, weird dudes in this house. Healthy, but wierd dudes.

Guilty as charged

You know you've done it. Some of you do it everyday. Sometimes 2 or 3 times a day. Come on, it's ok..we all do it. Nothing to be ashamed of. Wait..what were you thinking of?!? Sicko.

I'm talking about spoiling the curtain climbers. It's fun. It's almost too much fun. So, here's my top ten list for ways to spoil the kids.

1) Ice Cream. For breakfast. No, I haven't done this, but...what if?
2) Staying up wayyy too late. I'm talking 11-ish. For no good reason.
3) French fries in the car. This happens far too often.
4) Scary stories. Only, not right before bed. I likes me sleep.
5) Trips around the block. That sometimes end up at Krispy Kreme. OK Always.
6) Not brushing their teeth. Some nights...it's just not happening.
7) Wrestling before bedtime. They won't calm down for an hour, but who cares?
8) Letting them eat with their hands. It's just funny.
9) Playing with toy guns. It's not PC. It's not "acceptable". Deal with it.
10) Letting them get as dirty and wet as they can, for as long as they want.


Good stuff. Indulge your kids folks...and you will be indulged.

Oops

Happy Mother's Day! Without the fairer sex, we'd never be here...so, thanks. C,K,P,K,R,E,T,J,H,A,...umm..some more letters...thanks to all the mothers who's names begin those letters. If I forgot any of you, just leave a nasty comment on here and sign it with your first initial.

Happy Day.

Bored

This is how I feel tonight. Nothing to write. The boys are fine. A little sniffly, but fine.

Jake made the cut...

He's officially too old. He'll be going to pre-school next year at Mommy's school. Only for a few hours, but still. He took a few tests today, passed with flying colors, and now...God help us all.

Inhale. Exhale. Repeat as necessary.

On parenthood

I'm a man and I'm not afraid to admit I love my children to whoever will listen. I tell my customers. I tell strangers in line at the bank. Whoever will listen. In turn, they tell me about their kids. In so many words we are telling each other how much we love being parents. How much we love our children. And deep inside, buried underneath the pride, is the pain only parents know.

The pain of missing out. The pain of regret for not somehow being...better. That burning in your gut, that tells you to do MORE. The knowledge that we only have them for so long. It's as though a wicked task master has presented you with an unachievable goal, that you may never know if you have even come close to achieving.

You don't know this going in. Nobody really knows it. Because you can't, until you get there. You cannot explain the emotions that take over when you become a parent. They just happen.

When the boys were first born, my mind exploded with joy, guilt, gratitude, worry, wonder, awe, and more guilt. That was just in the first 15 seconds. It hasn't changed in almost 4 years. I still worry nonstop about them. I worry about their present as much as their future. How can I make it easier for them? Should I make it easier for them? If I do too much, is it too much for me and too little for them...or vice versa? Wow, I just blew my own mind.

This is all sounding too depressing. Is it bad being a parent? Heck no. Is it the hardest thing I've ever done? Heck YES. Loving them is easy. I wake up loving them, and I go to sleep loving them. That's easy. Raising them is hard. Making sure they don't grow up and have their faces on a Most Wanted poster...is hard. Providing a safe environment for them is easy. Keeping them from proving me wrong about that is hard.

Boys, if I fail you in any way...blame Al Qaeda. No, no. Blame me. I am doing all I can. But, if I do fail you in any way, don't fail your kids in the same way. Learn from my mistakes. You are here on this Earth to make a difference. A positive difference. If you fail to learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of others, you will fail at changing your World for the better.

HOWEVER, if I am the perfect example of what a Father should be, well by all means; erect statues, name ballfields, throw parades, etc., all in my honor. Oh and have some kids and show 'em all the cool things your Daddy taught you. Like living room baseball. Yeah, stuff like that.

I love you boys.

Click it

This is for those of you who never bother clicking my linkery. Yes it's mostly military related. Click it anyway, and learn something besides what the voices in your head teach you.

Support for GW ...This is my buddy's Mom, laying her thoughts out for all to see on War, Family, Life, and the how each effects the other.

Mudville Gazette ...This a clearing house for all blogs related to our Armed Forces. Run by a soldier and his wife, it doesn't get any better.

Special Operations Warrior Foundation ...This foundation provides college scholarships to the children of our special operations warriors who are killed in combat. Give till it hurts. Then give $50 more.

Pat Tillman Foundation ...This is a great group of people honoring a great man. Throw them some cash.

Fast Bunnies ...Don't let the name throw you. This is an Army officer blogging from Iraq. If you served, you'll find his humor unbearably funny. If you didn't you'll find his humor unbearably funny. Win win.

From My Position...On the Way! ...Chuck is a former tank commander. Former, only by way of IED. He got knocked out of the game for a while but came back with a vengeance. Read it or he will find you.

Holly Aho ...Gotta be, hands down, one of the coolest people on earth. She visits, provides for, and looks after wounded soldiers coming right off the front lines. Is she paid for it? Not a dime. She's a civilian. She's an angel.

Jack Army ...The Man. If it's available in the Army, he's done it. In a few months he'll be plying his trade again, in the sandbox. Read up.

Soldier's Angels ...Like Holly, these are all angels walking the earth. Throw them lots and lots of cashola.

The War Tapes ...Filmed by soldiers in Iraq. If this hits in theaters near you, help make these guys billionaires.

Texas Music ...Another odd title. If you ever wondered what goes through a police officers head when he's on the street....click and read.

CLICK AND READ.