That time again...

I got the message loud and clear...so here's your dose.

Jake and Brady are still the coolest kids in the Universe. I would say in any Universe, but that would be blatant braggery.

Ok, so I left off before Turkey Day. It was good times, what can I say? We get to go eat fabulous food for free at two houses. Rock on. The boys had a great day. Jake ended up eating, I believe, 9 pieces of pumpkin pie. You would think his ticket would be punched for the rest of the year on the stuff, but no..he still asks for it.

Which brings us to..Christmas time. The boys are old enough now to really appreciate what is coming at them this weekend. I think they are getting the point about it really being about Jesus, but who know's? Children can be the greatest manipulators so maybe they just play along to entertain us. "Yeah, yeah..Happy Birthday Jesus, God is great, that Mary, what a gal...now how about those toys?" Either way, they are sweet as heck right now and I'm savoring the flavor.

Oh yeah, on a silly note, the boys have somehow decided the Wizard of Oz is the greatest movie of all time. The scary thing is, the more I watch it the more I agree with them. The movie was made in 1938 and the special effects are better than some "blockbusters" they try and force feed us these days. Furthermore, if you don't fall out laughing when the Lullaby League/Lollipop Guild hit the screen, dial 911 because your heart isn't beating. The dudes have every line in the movie memorized now. Jake can do the Scarecrow and Tin Man dances perfectly. Brady's little nasally voice crooning all the tunes is pure comedy. I can bust out a pretty good Cowardly Lion myself. Good times...

I'll get some pictures put up in a few days. In the meantime, have a great Christmas or whatever reason you have for spending time with those you love. If you can't be with the ones you love, remember all those cherished times when you were with them. Failing that, there's always eggnog. Cherish the eggnog.

Just take the pain...

The Dudes have a new favorite "Daddy Game". It involves me mistakenly laying down on my back and them jumping on my stomach and chest like I'm a trampoline. It would be cool, except that Jake weighs upwards of 40lbs now, and Brady is pushing 30lbs. So yeah, 70lbs on my torso kinda hinders my respiratory process a little. The sick thing is, I just let them do it, as long as they want to. Bruises be darned, I know my place in life and it's to entertain these two gents. So long as my body holds up...

Just another day...

Get up, barely. Brush my teeth. Get dressed. Stumble out the door. Drive. Kill bugs. Drive. Catch a rat. Drive. Eat lunch. Drive. Kill some ants. Drive. This is what I do. This is not who I am.

Come home. Hug my boys. Ask about their day. Read books. Kiss their mother when she comes in. Eat supper as a family. Tell silly stories at the table. Laugh at Brady's weird faces. Marvel at Jake's detailed stories and Brady's attempts to parrot them. After bath, it's cuddle and story time. Goodnight kisses. Brady gets the three way smoocheroo on the head and "I loves you's" all around. Tell Jake a funny story and tuck him in tight and tell him I love him. He returns the favor. Kiss my wife and tell her I love her before I sleep. My heart is full. This, is who I am.

Scary stuff

It's that time of year again. Time to get the chil'rens dressed up and go huntin' for candy. It almost feels like stealing when we take candy from people. Seeing as how we only let the boys eat maybe 5 pieces out of 200 or so, and we eat the rest..well I guess it IS stealing. Either way, it's a silly day and I am all for it. We need more retarded holidays in this Country.

This year was by far the best yet. As it fell on a Monday, that meant we had the whole weekend to pack in Pumpkinfest '05. We went to a cool party at Steve and Erika's. Brady lost his mind when he saw his cousin Adam dressed up like a skeleton. It WAS pretty scary so he loses no cool points for breaking down. Jake was as cool as the other side of the pillow. He know's I'm the scariest bear in the woods so some costume aint gonna get him excited.

Tonight, the boys strolled the 'hood with us and robbed our neighboors blind. We left with empty bags and came home with at least 5lbs of sugar, food coloring, soy lecithin, TBHQ and other interesting and delicious chemicals. Our little firefighters stole the show and a few hearts as well. Chicks dig the uniform...

Now, about the pictures. Those are from tonight about 20 minutes after we walked in the door. That is what you get when you give our boys ONE mini Nestle Crunch bar or any chocolate bar for that matter. They start flying. Something in chocolate makes their bodies reject gravity and they begin to hover. They eventually build up to full blown flight. Haunted houses? Who needs 'em? Nothing is scarier than a 2 or 3 year old jumping off a couch, with every intention of landing on your head or, a more..*ahem*..sensitive area.

Oh man...

The boys are getting rough. Not crazy rough yet, but rough enough. Jake has decided the best defense for Brady's offense is to lay down and let Brady try his best. Surprisingly this tactic is highly effective. "Little Brudda" gets worn out a lot faster then "Big Brudda" that way. When they grow bored with knocking each other around the house, they come after us.

Now this is what I always wanted little brothers for. Wrestling matches in the living room, where someone ends up laughing till they pee, cry, or both. I love rough-housing for a totally different reason now though. Sometimes, when Jake has completed his Tour de Force, he'll grab on to me, look at me all out of breath, panting, and say,"Daddy...I...Love...You".

Further proof that Heaven exists right here on Earth.

Happy Birthday Brady!

You little goofball...you're 2 years old! Huh? What? How? I can't believe it either buddy. You are growing so fast and having so much fun in the process. Not a day goes by that I don't end up rolling on the floor, laughing at something you've done or said. Your sense of humor, and comedic timing are so many levels above my own that I probably miss half of your jokes. Keep it up pal. Never stop making people laugh...and especially keep making yourself laugh.

Your party was awesome. Lots of your cousins, aunts, uncles...and of course, all four of your grandparents. When everybody got here, we had to wake you up for your own party. You and Jake took an extra long nap, you must've known you would need it. In fact, Jake kept right on sleeping until about 30 minutes after everyone was here. That's my boys...

After we got you dudes up, everyone played outside while I cooked the burgers. You played on the slide and in the grass and showed your cousin, Rachel, your secret hiding place behind the bushes. Then, everybody came inside and ate their burgers.

Next came the booty! No, not that kind. Toys. Presents. The good stuff. You got some super cool stuff this year. You had fun opening up your presents and you let some of your cousins help you out too. What a champ!

Finally...Cake Time. Oh yeah, your favorite part. Mommy and I stayed up late making you a Nemo cake. It was all worth it seeing the smile on your face. We all sang Happy Birthday and then you blew out the candle. Then..it was on! You chowed down on your cake and an ice cream cone. Phew...that was a lot of food for one little dude. Nice job you little animal.

I love you Brady...thank you for being my Son, and lighting up my world with your spirit.

Translation please...

The boys never cease to amuse me. Brady is getting very fluent in the English language. Sometimes though, he gets ahead of himself. He'll rattle off a series of words that to him, make sense. To us it sounds like either he is cussing us out in Chinese, or his tongue has fallen asleep. Jake though, he understands everything. So now all we have to do is ask Jake what, "Anna goside pain degwass n onaseyide" means. Jake will say,"Brady says he wants to go outside, play in the grass and on the slide." Whoa.

Now, it could be Jake puts him up to asking for things and therefore knows EXACTLY what Brady is saying...who knows? It's funny as heck either way.

At this very moment..I just heard them both yell to each other,"I LOVE YOU", from their beds. That's flippin awesome. Telling your best friend you love them right before you go to sleep. Awesome. Think I'll try that too.

The Zoo

The weather still sucks. However, we purchased a membership to the zoo. I'll be dadgum if we aren't getting our full use out of it this year. I like our zoo. The animals are pretty cool. You can kinda get close to them, without feeling "TOO" close to them. It's pretty spread out, so you get some good exercise. Parking is relatively easy. They have a really cool treehouse and a splash zone for the kids. It's nice and shady in most parts so you can almost feel comfortable in 100 degree heat.

Above all that though, we go for the food. Mexican food. Cheap Mexican food. Not real authentic stuff, but you just can't beat the atmosphere. The boys love to eat the "chips" from our taco salads. They get a black bean, tomato, and chicken breast fry-bread thing, which if they don't eat the fry-bread is darn healthy. Never had fry-bread? I feel bad for your taste buds, but your heart is better for it. It's basically lard and flour...fried in lard. Congestive heart failure anyone? We never let the dudes eat more than a few pinches of the stuff, but it gets eaten. Just not by them and not by Cindy.

Little Monkey

That's Brady. He's our resident shoe tester. If we happen to leave our shoes where they shouldn't be, this is what happens. He'll stomp all over the house saying, "I did it!" "I'm wearing Daddy's shoes!" This time he just happened to do it with no pants on. Actually, he's started doing a lot of stuff with no pants on. They boy likes to be free in the wind. What can I say, he takes after me.

Tonight we had spaghetti for supper. Jake calls it basketti. Brady calls it sketti. Cindy and I call it,"Oh, $#%@!" Somehow, we always forget just how disgusting little boys can make a nice meal. They'll start by slurping it up as loud as they can. Next come the bites that are twice the size of their mouth, thereby depositing half of a spoonfull on their lap. Then the flinging. My God, the flinging. Enough already. Finally they'll finish up with a little reverse slurping. Yes, that is just what you pictured. Not spitting, slowly releasing a noodle from their mouth while Cindy and I look at each other in disbelief. "How did we get so lucky?"

Far too long...

I apologize to all the faithful checkers-in at JB Central. I've been a tad busy this past week or so. I promise to be more faithful now that things are getting back to normal. An explanation follows;

Long story short, GW has deployed. I had the opportunity to spend a few days and nights with him at Ft. Campbell and I feel blessed to have done so. We both said what needed to be said and then some. I also got to meet his friends and fellow soldiers that are deployed with him. They all shared stories, thoughts and feelings with me that I will never forget. My friend is in good hands, as are his men. That is all I went up there needing to find out, and I did. Please say a prayer for these men before you rest your head at night.

Now, the boys..they are just...perfect. Jake has become the incredible thinking man lately. His memory and intellect are constantly making me feel like by the time he is 6 he will be smarter than I am. Maybe. Ok, fine..he passed me up six months ago. Can we move on? For example; used to be I could tell him something and he'd forget it within an hour or so. Like,"You can watch a movie after your bath." Tonight, LSU was playing a big game so I promised him after it was over we could watch a movie. That was about 4PM. So, we had supper, he played with Brady forever, blah, blah..then took his bath. The game went on until 8:30 or so. Forgetting my promise, I tell the boys it's time for bed. Jake just about came un-glued. "NO! You told me we could watch a movie when the football game was over!" Phew...a promise is a promise so we compromised and watched a little Wiggles action before bed.

Brady is quickly becoming a candidate for his own extreme-stunt reality show. Pain for him, is just not a factor in daily life. It seems to make his life more exciting and fun. Great. Super. If he makes it to 3 without braking something on his body or someone else's, I will be shocked. He's a happy little cannonball, but still...take it down a notch dude.

Happy Birthday Buddy!

3 years old today. Wow! You're getting too old, too quickly. We had such a great time today. What a cool party. What a cool kid. The whole house was Shrek green. You even had a Shrek cake. Mommy and I stayed up real late to make it for you, but it was no trouble at all. Anything to make you smile. You got to play with a bunch of your cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Everyone had a great time. We had hamburgers for supper and then lots and lots of Shrek cake and ice-cream for dessert. You got so many presents, I have no idea where we are going to put them all. Nice haul pal. It pays to be a cool dude.

I'm so proud of you Son. I love you more than clouds love the sky. Happy Birthday.

Look what we can do...

The weather was pretty darn mild this morning. A few more days of this and it's a trend. A few weeks of it and..no..can it be? Fall? Already? I don't think I'm that lucky.

Me and the boys took advantage of the situation and got outside for some fresh air. As soon as I told the dudes we were going outside, it was all I could do to unlock the door, before they ran through it. I turned the misters on and just sat back and took it in. Watching them play is one of the great pleasures in my life. They go at it like it's their first and last time to play together. One of them will discover something new to do, and the other one wants to learn how right away. They must spend 90% of their day smiling or laughing. Makes me tired just thinking about it.

After our romp in the great outdoors, we came in for lunch. They scarfed down their tuna sandwiches, pickles, and chips and salsa. Yep, chips and salsa. My boys like what I like...go figure. Now if I can just convince them that ESPN is more entertaining than the Disney Channel...all we be right with my world.

Wits end

So, tonight at supper we had a grand ole time. The battle for control of the supper table is still raging. They will eat...in between fits of hysterical laughter at one another's jokes. It's getting down-right ridiculous. It got bad tonight. After the umpteenth time telling Jake to stop joking around and eat his green beans and chicken, I was at my wits end. My brain must've been tired of it too, because at one point all I could say was,"Eat'em green." I guess I was trying to say,"Eat those green beans." The boys laughed at that order for about five minutes. Someone tell me this is a common thing and that unruly children cannot cause mild strokes.

Otherwise, the Dudes had a good day. Jake got busted for swiping a finger-full of pumpkin pie in the fridge. When we questioned him on it he laughed and said,"Yep, I did it." His honesty earned him a sizable slice of the good stuff. After he finished his green beans of course.

I also gave the boys haircuts tonight. Whoever invented electric clippers, or more importantly the plastic attachments...you rock. Without those things, I think we'd have to pay someone to do it. I can barely cut a straight line on construction paper with scissors. These thick fingers just weren't meant to do that delicate work. With the clippers though I can make their hair look at least Wal-Mart quality. Sometimes, even Super-Cuts cool. Just one of my many talents. Yeah, right.

The hunter and his prey...

We took a trip to Toys R Us today. The boy's birthdays are coming up so we had to find out what they really NEED. If you have ever been to our house, you know they don't need anything. Our little house is just a large toybox. There is not a room in here where you can take three steps without bumping into something that squeaks, beeps, plays music, or is just plain squishy. What the heck though right, one or two more can't hurt. Much.

Brady found this huge Nemo. He looks like he's on his way to do something violent to him. Look closely and you can see Nemo's not too excited about Brady's disposition. The picture is deceiving though. Nemo is Brady's favorite aquatic creature at the moment. I don't think he would do anything to hurt him...intentionally.

Sometimes bad things happen...

Boys, something happened this week that will never be forgotten in this Country. In Louisiana, where Daddy is from, there was a big storm. There have been big storms there before, but not like this one. This was the biggest to ever hit Louisiana. The storm was so big it even hit Mississippi, Alabama, and Florida too.

When I lived in Louisiana I saw it rain a lot. Sometimes for a lot of days on end. One year, the water got so high that I couldn't go to school. I thought it was pretty neat. We lived on a lake and we had a boat dock in the back of our house. The water was so high that the boats were touching the ceiling of the dock. When you're little, water is just fun. Lots of water is lots of fun. Sometimes though a lot of water is a bad thing. A very bad thing.

That's what happened this week. A huge storm called a hurricane, came ashore early in the morning last weekend. Lots of people packed up what they could and left their homes to go to safer places. Some people didn't. The people that stayed, did so for different reasons. Some were too sick or too old to leave. Some people didn't have cars. Still others, just thought the storm wasn't going to be that bad, and didn't want to leave their houses.

When the storm hit the coast, it did very bad things. Lots of people lost everything they had. A lot of the people who stayed, didn't make it. In one big city, New Orleans, the whole city was flooded. The water was so high, people had to be rescued with boats and helicopters. Some towns just got washed away all together. The water messed up everything. People had no food to eat, or clean water to drink. There was no electricity for TV or telephones, so lots of people didn't know what to do or where to go for help.

A lot of good people came to help, but it was hard to help everybody. Sometimes, when bad things happen to people, it makes them think and do bad things too. That made it harder to help the other people. But, still more good people came to help everyone. They gave the sick people medicine. They gave the hungry people food. They gave the thirsty people water. They put people on buses, helicopters, airplanes, and boats to get them to safety. There were soldiers, policemen, firefighters, doctors, nurses, and regular people who all came to help their friends. They all did the best they could.

Eventually all the people will get out of danger and things will start to get better. I don't know right now how long it will take for things to get all better though. There is a lot of work to do. Hopefully, you boys will never see things like this happen in your lifetimes.

Boys, if you ever hear thunder and see lightning, go inside. If it starts to rain while you are driving, slow down and be extra careful. If there is a big storm coming and somebody warns you to get away from it, leave everything where it is, and just get to a safe place. Along the way, if you see someone in danger, stop to help them if you can.

Remember what I said about testing your Mommy? The same goes for testing Mother Nature. You can't beat either one of them. You can always make more money to replace everything you will ever own, you cannot replace your life, or the lives of the people you love.

I love you boys.

The Godfather...

This weekend was the busiest we've had in a long time. It was also the best we've had in,...forever. I was fighting back eyeball sweat for three straight days.

On Sunday morning, Jake and I went to the airport and picked up his Uncle G. Then we raced on over to the church to get Jake and Brady some religion. We got to meet Cat Stevens..err, Deacon Harry, who performed the ceremony. What genuinely nice guy he was. Anyway, J&B's cousin, Makayla, was baptized first. She did a great job. Not one tear. Next came Brady. Not one tear,...yeah right. He doesn't do well with 70-year-old men pouring water on his noggin(Jarrod, it's not your fault, I'm just glad you didn't drop him). Finally, it was Jake's turn. Up into Uncle G's arms he went. He did a great job. He's an attention hound, so I think he rather enjoyed it. After the pictures and such, we ate, ate, and ate some more. Then Brady ate a handful of icing. Time to go home.

Sunday night brought one of the weirdest culinary experiences of my life. We took The Godfather out to dinner at our favorite Mexican-food joint. The food was fine, Jake and Brady ate their weight in chips and salsa. The usual. The service was bad though. Weird too. All night long our waitress kept disappearing for long periods of time. That was both good and bad. Bad, because we had no water and silverware. Good, because we didn't have to look at her. I had a sneaking suspicion, which was confirmed by G. Turns out, our "waitress", had an Adam's apple. Now, I'm no homophobe, but there is just something unappetizing about all that. Call me crazy. It gets weirder though. While we were walking out the door, I asked the male greeter if, in fact, we had been served by a he-she. Oh yes, he said,"There's three of them that work here." Perfect. Welcome to Arizona!

The rest of our time was spent doing some other stuff, no less important, but I will get into all that at a later time. To summarize, G showed us all how to conquer your fear. Jake and Brady got to introduce him to the Wiggles, and the insanity that ensues. G also got to purchase some piece of mind. My heart is full, leave it at that.

Despite the freak show, our weekend was awesome. I am so thankful the boys got to finally meet their "Uncle" G. Someday, they'll look back at the pictures of this weekend's happenings and smile. God willing, G will be there to tell them about it, oddities and all.

Yard work..

This evening the boys and I went out to do some yard work while Mommy got a break and got a little shoe shopping done. While I was whacking weeds, a dragonfly paid the boys a visit. I know they have seen one before, but never REALLY seen one. Hope that makes sense. Anyhoo, they had the best time chasing it around the yard. I've never seen a dragonfly hang around people for so long. It just kept going in circles, dancing in the air around the boys. I put down the weed-whacker, joined the chase, and enjoyed they heck out of my evening.

Your Mommy

Now I will attempt to embarrass and educate my boys all at once. Hopefully they will read this when they are young enough to find it too mushy and old enough to learn something from it.

Ok, let me tell you boys about your Mom and what she means to me.

A long, long, long time ago(I know...I know Cindy, I am older than you) your Mommy was born. She was the only girl your Grandma-Ma and Poppy ever had. Now, I know what you're saying, "What about Uncle Jarrod?" Trust me, he's a man. Anyway, she was a beautiful little girl. You can see how beautiful she was in pictures but that doesn't do it justice. Just look in the mirror, you'll see her beautiful brown eyes staring right back at you.

Mommy liked to dance and even took lessons so she could get really good at it. She was a great dancer. We'll watch those movies one day, if I ever get them transferred to DVD. As she grew up, she got better and better at it, and danced in front of lots of people. She made your Grandparents very proud of her.

Your Mother was also a smart little girl. She did well in all her subjects at school, especially socializing. She met a little girl named Amanda, and they wanted to grow up and be teachers, and that's just what they did. But, I'm getting ahead of myself.

When your Mommy was 13 or so something happened that would change her life forever. She met me! Oh, what a day that must have been for her. To meet someone as handsome and debonaire as me. Gosh, was she lucky. Yeah, right. No, it was me who was lucky. My friend Scott introduced me to her, and I am forever grateful that he did. Scott, wherever you are...well, you know.

Your Mom and I didn't actually start dating until a few years later. We had the chance to become really good friends first. The day I asked your Mom to be my girlfriend was a day I will remember all of my life. Stop laughing..you'll know what I mean one day.

We dated all through high school. She was a high-achieving student and cheerleader. I was mediocre at best in my academic career. Except I excelled in English and History...go figure. Your mom was such a cool girl, I pray you bring home someone like her. I pray for the girl if you don't. Your Mommy is very protective of you.

We graduated together way back in 1995. After graduation she went on to college and I went on to well, whatever. We'll discuss that later. She did really well in college and even made it on some "Dean" guy's list every semester. Whoever he was, he thought himself important enough to make a list of good students.

Then, on Christmas Eve, 1997, I asked your Mom to marry me. Suprisingly, she said,"Yes". We got married a little over 2 years later when I was 22 and she was 21. She was so beautiful walking down that aisle. I got a little wobbly, but you know me, I'm Joe Cool. I kept it together for the most part. We said,"I do" and our life together officially began. By the way, the reception was the best party I've ever been to. Even your birthday parties..sorry guys.

Years passed, we worked..blah, blah, blah...then you guys came along. Not at the same time, but almost. Really. I was never a true believer in a higher power until you guys were born. I got to see two miracles happen in front of my eyes. That was proof enough for me. I'm on board God, whoever you are.

Your Mom changed when you guys came into our lives. Calm down, change can be good. Remember that. She became a Mother, the greatest thing you can do in life. Unfortunately guys, we have to settle for second greatest, but being a Daddy is pretty darn cool too.

Now, you guys can read all about your exploits on these other pages. On to the juicy stuff. I'm going to share with you, learn from it.

I love your Mom. I love her right down to her abnormally long toes. Love is a weird thing guys. It can make you do things. Odd things. Scary things. Beautiful things. It can make you feel the highest highs and the lowest lows. Sometimes you'll feel like you are literally floating, other times like you're drowning. I have felt it all with your Mom. She has taken my hand and guided me through some real rough patches in my life. There have been times when I didn't treat your Mom as nicely as I should have. Times when I tried to turn away from her love. You know though, her love wouldn't let that happen. Her love brought me back and it keeps me here. It will always keep me here. Your Mother has the willpower to move mountains. Her faith is stronger than any force of nature. Don't test it boys, you will lose.

So, that's your Mom in a nutshell. There is so much more to tell you, but some things are better found out on their own. Know this though boys; nothing you ever do, and nothing anyone does to you, will ever stop her love for you. It will be there through the darkest storms and it will guide you to the top of every mountain. Trust in it. I know, because that's how she loves me.

Quality time

So, there he sits. Improvised footstool, the latest ish of Better Homes & Gardens, and the quiet confidence that comes with being able to use the John for it's intended purpose. He's made us hugely proud this last two weeks. Hasn't had one fecal surprise for us this whole time. Now, if he can just master the art of holding his water through the night, we'll be in Underoo territory. One down, one to go.

P.S. Yes, this image has been altered to give him SOME dignity as he grows older.

Pushing buttons

Older siblings always know how to drive their younger associates insane with just a touch. A look. A gesture. Jake has already mastered the art of infuriating Brady. His big move now is asking Brady if he wants whatever Jake has. If Brady says,"Huh", which means yes, Jake will say,"No" and run away. That's always a fun few minutes of action.

Brady is learning to flip the game around though. He'll steal something right out of Jake's hands just to get his goat. He's been known to scream for no reason when Jake gets close to him, thereby activating the, "What in the heck did you do to your brother" alarm. I know he takes silent pleasure in that.

The playing field is leveling out as Brady catches up to Jake in size. I've tried to warn Jake about that, but he'll learn the hard way I guess. Jake still has him by about 9lbs or so, but what Brady lacks in size, he makes up for in tenacity. They are big into jumping off the couch now. I know it's just a matter of time before flying body slams become part of their aerial arsenal.

Do they sell little brother insurance? If so, Jake needs to get full coverage.

Entertainment

Here you see an example of two young boys enjoying a movie whilst snacking on raisins. Notice their contented facial expressions. Their body posture indicates a relaxed physical state. From a superficial stand-point all appears to be well at ease. However, I assure you..all is NOT well.

Lurking somewhere in the dark recesses of the smaller child's mind, is a Beast. An uncontrollable, whirling dervish who dispenses mayhem and destruction like so much candy in an Easter parade. This Beast is the antithesis of pleasant. It writhes and seethes, waiting for it's chance to unleash it's unholy fury.

In the mind of the larger child lives an even more dastardly abhorration. A fiendish instigator, with cunning and guile to rival any 007 operative (especially that Timothy Dalton fellow, what an impostor). He ply's his trade in the smaller child's mind. His crimes travel on a whisper, a dare, a chance suggestion. Yes, it is he, who is able to unleash the Beast upon all who dwell here. The shame and horror of it all.

No not really. Tonight, they were pretty mellow fellows. Monsters, Inc. was very well received for the 3000th time. I am lucky to have them and I know it. Having two little dudes to pal around with is darn nice. I know this much; I was put on Earth to be their Daddy. Nice work if you can get it.

Pardon the interruption...

OK, I know some of you that read this blog are Anti-..Bush, The War, Republicans, Guns, V-8 engines, Fried Foods...Etc. My views are entirely different, but this is not the place to discuss those differences.

What I want to tell you about is a cause that is very close to my heart. I previously wrote about a friend I have who is a soldier. His time at home is getting very short. Soon, he'll go back to the land of swirling sands and hidden danger. I know his Momma will read this so I won't scare her with any more descriptions.

What I need from everyone here is just consideration and maybe, if you feel like it, a little cash. Why money? Why not? It's what Democrats like to do any way right? Throw money at something and it will just magically get better. Sorry, that was a shameless knock. No, what the money is really for is body armor. Our soldiers are getting better armor issued to them, but basically it just covers their chest and back. Their enemy is getting wise to this and exploits the weakness. Basically what we need to raise is around $2100 per soldier to outfit them with top-notch armor. It's not a guarantee against injury, but it's the best we can do.

I know this is a lot of money, but not if everyone chips in a little. Rent a movie instead of going to a theater. Don't Super-size that #1 at McDonald's. Skip a car payment. No, on second thought that's a little crazy. Skip two car payments. Then you can have fun hiding your car from the repo-man, AND help a soldier. Awesome!

If you feel the urge to splurge, just let me know, and I'll tell you how to donate. Either way, this concludes my monthly, off-topic post. The boys are doing just fine. We went to the Zoo today. It was hot, but they had a blast. Enjoy your weekend.


UPDATE:

OK, now I am literally on my hairy knees here. I just got word that another friend of mine has deployed to Iraq. His job isn't AS dangerous, but in all reality there is no safe job in the sandbox. So, if you have some loot burning a hole in your pocket, by all means, drop me line. Remember, just because you finance a soldier's body armor doesn't mean you can't still have ill will towards his Commander-in-Chief. I can't condone those feelings but, you have the freedom to think and speak those things as an American. Just remember who provides those freedoms for you.

I leave you with this...

“Good people sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.”

-George Orwell

He's not sick, he's my brother

Brady did something tonight that Brady does very well. I will explain, but if you just ate something, wait an hour.

You see, Brady has what's known as mild to very severe excitablity. Not ADD, ADHD, or whathaveyou. Just really outlandish excitability. He can swing from laughing his head off to screaming until he pukes. Which is just what he did tonight. In the bath. All over his brother.

Jake was having a rough night, battling some allergies, and he was kinda cranky getting in the bath. Brady took this as his cue to join in and up the ante. So, there they were, screaming, crying, and giving Cindy all sorts of joy. Then Brady took it to levels previously unknown. Blood-curdling is an understatement. Then, he ralphed. There are not many things sadder than a 2 year old getting sick on himself and then on his older brother.

This last part is especially for you Jake. There will come a time when you learn to read, and you will read about this night. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT try and get revenge on your brother. He did not mean to do it. You DO NOT need payback. I love you both very much. No, I DO NOT love one of you more than the other. Stop that!

He shoots...he scores!

A Series of Unfortunate Events...

Here he comes...


There he goes...


Brady is Brady. Here is photographic evidence of why I am losing my hair. In the first picture, little dude is running flat out towards me. In the second picture, little dude is just flat out in front of me. No, I did not anticipate him falling down the berm. If so, I would have gotten a better picture. Accidents happen, but what makes Brady different is he refuses to recognize pain. Unless of course the cause of his pain is young Jacob. After he fell, he didn't say a word, just got back up and ran off again. If I took a spill like that, I would be spewing profanities, cursing the berm, it's location, owners of the property and the Universe in general. Not my boy though. Not my little man.

Linus & Chuck

There they are. The real-life version of the classic "Peanuts" characters. Linus..err Brady loves his blanky. When he's tired or real cozy he also enjoys some thumb action. Charlie..err Jake has a giant head. That's about the only thing he has in common with the aforementioned Charles. Unless Mr. Brown likes to read a lot, then they have that.

Last Days of Summer

This stinks. Our last week having Mommy home. This summer has flown by way too fast. Hopefully, we'll win the lottery like we've been planning on for some time now. Stupid randomly drawn balls. That and the fact you actually have to BUY a ticket to win. Rules are for the unimaginative.

I've got an idea. They should give every tax-payer an entry in a national lottery. Your number gets drawn, you get all your past taxes refunded. Every 20 years you are guaranteed to win once. Or just give every stinkin citizen 20K when they are 18, and say, "This is your retirement fund, have at it junior." "You can invest it or spend it on beer, your choice, but you aint gettin squat at 65 from us." So many ideas, so few based in reality.

Anyway, back to my sulking. Frickin, frackin, shawshank redemption. Having to be a two-income family is for the birds. The boys love being home with their Mommy. It doesn't hurt that she's also a certified teacher. Now, don't get me wrong, we are very lucky to have the services of Grandma Mimi four days a week. Day-Care Centers are what they are, but they're not family. That really makes a difference, at least to me. Still though...waaaa..boo hoo. Woe is me or I. Whatever.

Ok, I feel better now.

"It's raining on me!"

The monsoons are here. Kinda. Sorta. Maybe. Mostly, instead of cooling us off it's just given us a side order of humidity to go with our heaping plate of swelter. For those of you who are wondering what a monsoon is, it's just a few weeks/months of short but intense thunderstorms that roll through the desert southwest every year. Another case of sound and fury signifying...not much. This is the desert though, so any amount of free water is always welcome.

The boys have really gotten into watching mother nature at her finest. I can't remember what I felt as a child seeing a big storm for the first time. Was I scared, excited, a little of both? Seeing Jake and Brady's eyes get as big as saucers when they see the storms gives me the hope I was like they are. Monsoon's are loud, wet, unpredictable, and scary. Everything little boys love.

I find myself being disappointed at having to play the grown-up and usher them inside when the lightning gets close, or the winds get too high. The other day rain was coming down really hard, sideways in fact. We couldn't resist the temptation, so we took turns holding the boy's hands for quick sprints into the downpour and back inside. Belly laughter is highly valued in this house. That day, we were the richest people on the block.

Profound Wisdom

When the boys finished supper tonight we gave them a choice of popsicles or cinnamon rolls for dessert. Brady chose an orange popsicle. When Cindy handed Brady his popsicle, Jake uttered a phrase that I will never forget. "Orange popsicles are tasty, but they're not magic wands." Truer words were never spoken.

Two in the Tub

Yes, the boys do take baths once in a while. If left up to me, well...there would be a hose involved and much disorganization. That's why Cindy handles it. Recently, we have switched to an all-in-one approach. The boys don't seem to mind that too much. In fact, it's just like the rest of their day; laughing and joking, only with 20 gallons of water involved. Imagine the consequences.

Yes, that is a seat Brady is in. We do realize he is too old for it. What YOU don't realize is that water is his crack-cocaine. One drop and he loses his mind. For now, he'll stay in his little wet prison until he learns not to do his "crazy dance" in the tub anymore. He is one of a kind.

Wrasslin'

Brady enjoying a quiet moment alone

I dream of sleepy

Our boys sleep a LOT. Not scary long, but more, "What the?!?.",long. We put 'em to bed around 9-9:30. They'll sing, talk, bounce themselves to sleep by, 9:30-10. More often than not, they'll sleep until 8:30-9. Two days ago it was 10:30-11. That's not real uncommon, but still. What's silly is that they both still take a long nap. We're talking 2 hours or more. I am their father and I am jealous. If I could get that much sleep..would I be as happy as them? Probably not.

I guess what is so amazing to me is that they really do sleep. When Jake was first born, I had a rough time with the sleep deprivation. Cindy and I would be up all hours catching up on our favorite TV shows. Charles in Charge was an underrated program. QVC is surprisingly interesting. Who knew they could do so much with fake diamonds, and plus-size women's clothing. Amazing. I think Cindy did better than me, but she is a woman, she should. Anyway, we found the only way Jake would go to sleep for a good period of time was to take him for a drive. Usually a 5 minute trip would do it. Sometimes more like 45 minutes. He'd usually sleep for 4 hours or so then the process started all over. Then, one day...actually the day Cindy started back to work, he slept THROUGH the night. For people without kids, imagine the best thing in world, now put whipped cream on it. Yep, it's that awesome. Brady was another test of faith but he pulled through, and we are still sane, somehow.

Now and then I blow my mind thinking about how they actually go to sleep. For two beings that never stop moving, it's hard to imagine them at rest. They must have dreams about running up walls and jumping off couches. Brady likes to talk in his sleep sometimes. Imagine a little nasally voice having a sleepy conversation with his blanket. Cute to no end. Jake has had a few episodes of sleep walking in his day. The first time he came into our room and stood at the foot of our bed. When Cindy asked him what was wrong, he woke up and started screaming. Scared the whodat out of us. Cindy ended up sleeping in his bed that night. Lucky.

Ahhh...the co-sleeping topic. We never did the co-sleeping thing. Partly because I take up way to much room. Cindy is a slight individual, despite her eating habits. She can barely stand sleeping in the same bed as me. So, having a little one sleep with us was pretty much out of the question. I do understand the temptation though. Watching kids sleep is like staring at the Grand Canyon; too beautiful to comprehend. We let them cry it out when they were babies and now it's not even an option they consider. It was heartbreaking, but it was well worth it for us. Occasionally we'll climb into bed with Jake for a special treat during naptime. It's for us more than it is for him. He just thinks it's novel. Brady is still in his crib, but not for long. A few more weeks and he's getting the big boy bed. Tears will be shed by all. Then we'll have two beds to tempt us....nuts.

It's a dry heat...

So it's hot here. It's hot here every summer. Yet, every summer I am shocked and appalled all over again, as if it were my first time. For those of you not from here, if you want to experience Phoenix in July try this; Turn your oven on until the knob won't turn anymore. Let said oven pre-heat for 30 minutes. Get dressed in your most comfortable, yet respectable hot-weather work clothes. Now, open the oven door and sit directly in front of it for 15 minutes. Just sit there. Now you have been through what it's like to get into your vehicle and pray to the Gods of Air Conditioning that your car cools down before your brain explodes.

How does this apply to Jake and Brady? Simple. They don't leave the house. We hide in here from the evil sun and only venture out when we have to. Like for food and diapers. Sometimes only diapers. Let the pizza guy sweat it out. We have one respite for the extreme boredom of being home-bound and that is the mall. The freakin' mall. Just us and every other family trying to pretend we don't HAVE to be there to keep our kids from going nuts. Pretending we are the perfect parents we imagine ourselves to be. Pretending we don't need the carousel, ice-cream, playground, K-B, Pet Store, and Disney Store fix the boys think they do.

Well, folks, I NEED it. There, I got it out. As much as I hate to work, and be away from my home, I need the mall. Every Friday I get a little pep in my step towards the end of the day. For when I get home I know me and Cindy and the boys are going to the flippin' mall. Woo Hoo! I know there's more of you weirdos out there like me. Stand up and be counted. It's cool to like the mall! No, no it's not. It's really not. What is cool is seeing my boys having fun. They look forward to it and they ALWAYS have fun, every time. Maybe that's what I'm addicted to, watching them have fun. When they get excited, I get excited too. They find joy in such small things. It's hard not to get sucked into the world of a child, and lose yourself to laughter.

This summer will end soon, and with it the basic need to find AC as soon as possible. Our escapes will be less urgent, more at a whim. Maybe that's what makes these times so special. The need to be somewhere/anywhere else, together. Maybe this heat isn't so bad after all.

Us Vs. Them

The boys have declared War on our sovereignty. It has been building for a while. I could sense an impending struggle for power the minute Brady was born. I knew the day would come when they would join forces and rebel against us. I just thought it would be when they were older. Waaaaay older.

The supper table has become our main battle front. It's not that they are picky eaters, or light eaters. They are just giggly eaters. All it takes is one look from one of them and all HELL breaks loose. Jake starts doing everything he can to make Brady puke from laughter. Then Brady will lose his mind and suddenly our nice family meal, is.....Over. Gone. Ashes to ashes, crust to crust. It's all we can do to keep our parental facade up instead of joining in on the insanity.

Then there's the boy's rooms. I cringe every time a door slams. They think it's hilarious to slam their bedroom doors. Why? Because it's loud and easy to do I guess. I bought a door stop, but that is easily defeated by little-boy ingenuity. "Hmmm...I like how you put that under the door Daddy. Almost as much as I like taking it out". I've already had to re-hang Jake's door. The constant slamming and sheer force ripped the screws out of the wood. Fantastic.

Maybe we will win this uprising, but I don't see it happening anytime soon. These two boys have a good plan, and we have.....a headache.

Read to your children...

So, all those magazines, T.V. shows, family members and total strangers in the checkout line were right. You SHOULD read to your kids. Early and often, like it or not. For this reason; they will teach the younger ones to read(or occupy them long enough so you can use the bathroom alone for once). Not that Jake can read yet, but the stories he makes up are more interesting than most of his books. Except "Everyone Poops". Literary genius. Jake will point to pictures in the books and ask Brady to tell him what they are or what sound they make. Those of you who know Brady, know he doesn't stay in one place for long. However, when Jake reads to him, he'll gladly sit for 10 minutes or so. Then he'll goad Jake into a game of "catch me if you can". The tomfoolery never stops, it just pauses to catch it's breath now and again.

There's no one quite like Daddy

Disclaimer: This is Jake and Brady's Mommy writing, so if it's not as clever and funny as the rest, you'll know why.

I'm writing to tell you a little about the most important man in Jake and Brady's life....their Daddy. As you can tell from his posts, he has a great sense of humor and he loves his boys more than anything in the world. The love those boys share with their Daddy is indescribable.

Every morning when Jake wakes up he asks, "Where's Daddy?" After waiting for my usual reply telling him that Daddy has gone to work, he says "I miss him." He can't wait for Daddy to get home so he can tackle him. There is a special bond between a boy and his Daddy. Jake loves movie time with Daddy. Whether it be going to the theater to share some popcorn and an Icee, or going to the pizza place and the video store for "Pizza and a Movie Night," Jake loves this time. Daddy has a way of telling stories that almost hypnotizes Jake. He uses funny voices, great sound effects, and hilarious story lines. If I had a nickel for every time Jake said, "Tell a story," I would be a rich woman! Daddy is also the person that encourages boogers, burps, and other bodily functions. Jake sleeps with a teddy bear that his Daddy used to sleep with when he was a little boy, and he is covered up every night with Daddy's old Transformers blanket. What could make a boy feel more comfortable than that?

Brady is also smitten with his Daddy. He loves to dance with Daddy while he sings "Dancing with Brady." Brady has already caught on that Daddy is the artistic one in the family, and drags his Magnadoodle over to Daddy to help him draw. No one in the world can make the book "Dinosaur Roar" come to life quite like Daddy can. If Daddy is sitting on the couch, Brady is usually standing on his feet and legs, or climbing his way up to sit with him and enjoy some "icey kisses." Daddy can't eat anything without Brady "sharing" half of it with him. To Brady, there is no one better to run around with outside and play with the hose until you are soaking wet, than Daddy. Brady has a laugh that is contagious, and Daddy has a way of getting it out of him with no effort at all. As long as Daddy is around...he is all smiles.

I could not be more proud of my two little angels, and I could not be happier that they have a Daddy like him.

Bedtime

There is nothing better than bedtime stories. Something magical happens in that quiet time before they close their eyes. I can see their imagination come to life and carry them away to dream land. Those are the times that make me believe in Heaven.

Brady is still pretty easy to please at bedtime. Mommy tucks him in and tells him a little story and he's good to go. Maybe he'll sing a couple of songs, maybe give the ol' thumb some lovin'. Then he grabs his blanky and rolls over into sweet slumber.

Jake prefers his stories to have multiple characters and a hilarious plot. You have to wrap it up with the main character/s going to bed. It's possible to rush through a story and I admit I sometimes do. The longer I take though, the better, for all concerned. He gets so involved, and he'll lay real close and snuggle up. If I'm lucky, he'll throw an arm over my neck and say, "I love you." Manipulation or not, he gets an extra few minutes for that.

Pumpkin Boy

The boys made pumpkin pie with Mommy today. The house smelled so non-Atkins approved when I got home that I nearly lost my mind. Without question, pumpkin pie is Jake's favorite food. He has a way of eating it that you have to witness first-hand to believe. It's not so much eating as it is attacking. Like the pie is a direct threat to his very existence. He'll kill a piece in 15 seconds...I wish I was exaggerating.

Mmmmm...Feet

Little boys enjoy weird smells. Especially when they come from little brothers. Jake has gotten to be the Poop Detective around here. Whenever Brady is suspect, he'll go on a confirm or deny mission for us. Brady's digestive system works like greased lighting, so needless to say Jake has ample opportunity to hone his craft.

OK, enough poop posts for a while.

Luck

Ever thought about luck? Why some people seem to have it and others don't? Every day I get to wake up and be a Father. I get to be a Husband. I have no idea what I did to deserve those things. Well, I know the physics behind it, but not the logic. With all the stupid and irresponsible things I have done in this life, there is no reason I should have what I do. I should have a small cardboard box for a house, and a sickly rat for a pet.

Tonight, I talked to an old friend. He is getting ready to go back somewhere he doesn't want to go, but he is going there anyway...for us. He has no kids. He has no wife. His adult life has been one of service, sacrifice, and pain. Yet, for all that, he hasn't been blessed with my luck. Why? He deserves what I have. He deserves the endless love of a woman, and the boundless joy of children.

I want so bad for him to know my boys, and for them to know him. They both got to talk to him on the phone for a few seconds tonight. That's not enough though. I want him to see them grow up, and for him to have a hand in it. Tonight, I am praying that luck is on my side again, and he will come back safe. That he will be blessed with a wife and children when he returns. That he gets to see my boys before they grow up too fast(maybe that's too late).

So, there it is. That's my serious side. Sarcasm and wit are nice, but once in a while I'm going to be this way, get over it.

The Dreaded Throne

So...time to talk about feces. We've been hitting the potty training pretty hard this summer. When I say "we" I mean Cindy and I. When I say Cindy and I, I mean Cindy. I try my best to help when I get home, but my best is slightly shy of mediocre. Jake is real big into talking about it. It's the putting it into action phase that's not clicking. I guess for a guy who's always on the go, why stop to go? Works for me. I don't think my customers would appreciate my charming aroma though.

What a strange thing to have to learn. "Ok Son, everything you used to know about your poop is wrong. Now, we are going to make you go in a big hard thing that is uncomfortable to sit on. But hey, you get to flush it at the end. But don't flush ANYTHING else OK?" I'm glad the ACLU hasn't started taking cases from toddlers who revolt against potty training. We'd be in a world of...nevermind.

Thoughts on burgers and slides

What marketing genius decided that they should put playgrounds in fast-food joints? As if their food isn't addictive enough. They decided to prey on our kids' need to play on things that are inherently filthy. Now, not only do I get to feel guilty for letting them eat steroid-injected-meat-like products and trans-fatty acids(whatever that is, Oprah says it's bad), but I also get to worry about what kind of foot fungus, pink-eye, and other junk they are picking up. Perrrrrfect. Here's to the hope that whatever it is they are sliding around on in there BOOSTS their immune system instead of infecting it. Yeah right.

Brady trying to pretend he's sweet

Jake at Burger King

Jake showing us that yes, he is civilized.

Brady entertaining us at supper tonight.

and then there were two...

So, Jake was born September 15th, 2002. Brady was born October 22nd, 2003. That's right. I couldn't wait. 13 months apart. Sue me. Actually, Cindy's reproductive organs have filed a class-action suit against me and there is a cease and desist order in effect. So, no more little ones for a while.

Now, some background on the dudes. When Cindy was pregnant with Jake she had a pretty easy time. I had a great time. A son on the way! What could be better? 25 years old and I was going to be a father. Outstanding. For all you people who grew up watching too much TV like I did, you have a distorted view of what childbirth is. I used to think, OK..her water will break at a fancy dinner, then we'll just barely make it to the hospital. She'll labor for about 3 seconds, push 5 times and lickity, split...it's Daddy Time! B.S. Frankly. Cindy's water broke at a Nissan dealership. It wasn't a "splash" it was a trickle. In fact she thought she had peed herself. Then she got to labor for 19 hours, 2 hours of that was pushing. F-U Bill Cosby.

But I digress. Jake was an angel from the start. Heck, he didn't even cry until he was about 5 minutes old. His excuse was that he was "stunned" from being stuck for 2 hours...sure, sure. I was there, didn't look that bad (said the man sleeping on the couch for that). He was a big baby, with a full head of hair and then some. He grew so fast those first few months it was incredible. Just a big ball of cheeks and hair. He started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks. I know, we are that lucky...once. Anyway, from that point on he just kept doing more of the same, eating, growing, pooping, smiling, laughing, and pooping. He got real good at hitting me in the face with his little water cannon. Even got me and mommy once with his splatter bomb....don't ask. Anyway, time flew and he got too big. Jake is real big into music. The Wiggles, Toby Keith..you know, the classics. He'll memorize a song after the third time her hears it, lyrics and all. Which is nice when he starts singin along to "I'll never smoke weed with Willie again". Ahhh..parental guidance NOT suggested. He's almost 3 now and there isn't anything that boy won't do. Except use the toilet consistently. He takes after his father.

Now, lets hear some about that Brady character shall we? Brady was on the scene in a big way from the beginning. I know this is going to sound unbelievable, because I still dont understand it, but we didn't know we were having him until Cindy was 5 months along. Yes...now pick your jaw off the floor, it happens. Apparently Cindy's body was even in denial about the situation because, her friend just kept right on coming every month. Until month five. I felt her belly one day and something wasn't quite right. The Doc said her uterus would only take a few weeks to go down, which it did, but it seemed to have gotten bigger. Hmmm...what could that mean...what could that mean? My feeble brain said, "There has to be sumthin amiss here son, that ain't right!" So, we got a home test and sure-a-shootin' she wasn't a medical abnormality. It was like finding out you won a lottery that you didn't really buy a ticket for. Reality kind of stopped for a few days while it sunk in. So, a few days later, off to the OB/GYN we went. Dr. O is probably the coolest Doctor I've ever met. She's pretty young so that helps, and she has an offbeat sense of humor. That helps a lot. Especially with the news she was about to give us. She did an ultra sound and WOOPS! she said, "Congratulations, you're pregnancy is half over, it's another boy." W-w-w-w-w-what?!? Good Lord, what are we gonna do...that's what I remember thinking at the time....that and How in the @#%$???

Now, being that she was so far along, the preganacy was awesome. Until the end. Not so much being pregnant, but having to care for a 1 year old and a 26 year old at the same time. The stuff of legend. Again, she kind of silently went into labor. No splash, no trickle, just contractions. 12 hours of labor and...suprise, suprise..7 pushes later, Brady was here. Now that dude, was a screamer. He was letting everybody know, that,"Yes, in fact Mommy WAS pregnant, but she is no longer and HERE I AM." Now, Brady really, really liked the hospital. So much so that he stayed and extra 2 days basking in the glow of UV lights. Not being able to take him home right away and seeing him in the NICU was unadulterated hell. Maybe it was adulterated. Whichever is worse. For all the parents out there who have had to face a long stay there, I salute you. You are my heroes. Taking him home was awesome. Right up until the round the clock feedings. Then it was so much fun, I can't describe it. He did eventually sleep through the night, like 6 weeks ago. No, more like at about 5 months into it. But, at that point it might as well be 5 years. Sleep is WAY underrated. He grew up way too fast. While Jake likes to sit and read and tell stories, Brady would rather climb something and jump off that something. He runs like he is just a shade behind Carl Lewis in the last 10 meters of a race. Hands back and chin forward. Yes, he is prone to injury.

Overall, I can't believe my luck with these two. It's like getting to hang out with the coolest kids in school everyday. They just make me feel better than I am. When they run up and hug me when I get home from work, I melt. If they could bottle the fun we have together, there would be no need for Prozac. Drug dealers would be pushing it on street corners..."Yo, I got some crazy stuff here man, pure-grade tickle fight. Get you happy as $#&!."