"It's raining on me!"

The monsoons are here. Kinda. Sorta. Maybe. Mostly, instead of cooling us off it's just given us a side order of humidity to go with our heaping plate of swelter. For those of you who are wondering what a monsoon is, it's just a few weeks/months of short but intense thunderstorms that roll through the desert southwest every year. Another case of sound and fury signifying...not much. This is the desert though, so any amount of free water is always welcome.

The boys have really gotten into watching mother nature at her finest. I can't remember what I felt as a child seeing a big storm for the first time. Was I scared, excited, a little of both? Seeing Jake and Brady's eyes get as big as saucers when they see the storms gives me the hope I was like they are. Monsoon's are loud, wet, unpredictable, and scary. Everything little boys love.

I find myself being disappointed at having to play the grown-up and usher them inside when the lightning gets close, or the winds get too high. The other day rain was coming down really hard, sideways in fact. We couldn't resist the temptation, so we took turns holding the boy's hands for quick sprints into the downpour and back inside. Belly laughter is highly valued in this house. That day, we were the richest people on the block.

Profound Wisdom

When the boys finished supper tonight we gave them a choice of popsicles or cinnamon rolls for dessert. Brady chose an orange popsicle. When Cindy handed Brady his popsicle, Jake uttered a phrase that I will never forget. "Orange popsicles are tasty, but they're not magic wands." Truer words were never spoken.

Two in the Tub

Yes, the boys do take baths once in a while. If left up to me, well...there would be a hose involved and much disorganization. That's why Cindy handles it. Recently, we have switched to an all-in-one approach. The boys don't seem to mind that too much. In fact, it's just like the rest of their day; laughing and joking, only with 20 gallons of water involved. Imagine the consequences.

Yes, that is a seat Brady is in. We do realize he is too old for it. What YOU don't realize is that water is his crack-cocaine. One drop and he loses his mind. For now, he'll stay in his little wet prison until he learns not to do his "crazy dance" in the tub anymore. He is one of a kind.

Wrasslin'

Brady enjoying a quiet moment alone

I dream of sleepy

Our boys sleep a LOT. Not scary long, but more, "What the?!?.",long. We put 'em to bed around 9-9:30. They'll sing, talk, bounce themselves to sleep by, 9:30-10. More often than not, they'll sleep until 8:30-9. Two days ago it was 10:30-11. That's not real uncommon, but still. What's silly is that they both still take a long nap. We're talking 2 hours or more. I am their father and I am jealous. If I could get that much sleep..would I be as happy as them? Probably not.

I guess what is so amazing to me is that they really do sleep. When Jake was first born, I had a rough time with the sleep deprivation. Cindy and I would be up all hours catching up on our favorite TV shows. Charles in Charge was an underrated program. QVC is surprisingly interesting. Who knew they could do so much with fake diamonds, and plus-size women's clothing. Amazing. I think Cindy did better than me, but she is a woman, she should. Anyway, we found the only way Jake would go to sleep for a good period of time was to take him for a drive. Usually a 5 minute trip would do it. Sometimes more like 45 minutes. He'd usually sleep for 4 hours or so then the process started all over. Then, one day...actually the day Cindy started back to work, he slept THROUGH the night. For people without kids, imagine the best thing in world, now put whipped cream on it. Yep, it's that awesome. Brady was another test of faith but he pulled through, and we are still sane, somehow.

Now and then I blow my mind thinking about how they actually go to sleep. For two beings that never stop moving, it's hard to imagine them at rest. They must have dreams about running up walls and jumping off couches. Brady likes to talk in his sleep sometimes. Imagine a little nasally voice having a sleepy conversation with his blanket. Cute to no end. Jake has had a few episodes of sleep walking in his day. The first time he came into our room and stood at the foot of our bed. When Cindy asked him what was wrong, he woke up and started screaming. Scared the whodat out of us. Cindy ended up sleeping in his bed that night. Lucky.

Ahhh...the co-sleeping topic. We never did the co-sleeping thing. Partly because I take up way to much room. Cindy is a slight individual, despite her eating habits. She can barely stand sleeping in the same bed as me. So, having a little one sleep with us was pretty much out of the question. I do understand the temptation though. Watching kids sleep is like staring at the Grand Canyon; too beautiful to comprehend. We let them cry it out when they were babies and now it's not even an option they consider. It was heartbreaking, but it was well worth it for us. Occasionally we'll climb into bed with Jake for a special treat during naptime. It's for us more than it is for him. He just thinks it's novel. Brady is still in his crib, but not for long. A few more weeks and he's getting the big boy bed. Tears will be shed by all. Then we'll have two beds to tempt us....nuts.

It's a dry heat...

So it's hot here. It's hot here every summer. Yet, every summer I am shocked and appalled all over again, as if it were my first time. For those of you not from here, if you want to experience Phoenix in July try this; Turn your oven on until the knob won't turn anymore. Let said oven pre-heat for 30 minutes. Get dressed in your most comfortable, yet respectable hot-weather work clothes. Now, open the oven door and sit directly in front of it for 15 minutes. Just sit there. Now you have been through what it's like to get into your vehicle and pray to the Gods of Air Conditioning that your car cools down before your brain explodes.

How does this apply to Jake and Brady? Simple. They don't leave the house. We hide in here from the evil sun and only venture out when we have to. Like for food and diapers. Sometimes only diapers. Let the pizza guy sweat it out. We have one respite for the extreme boredom of being home-bound and that is the mall. The freakin' mall. Just us and every other family trying to pretend we don't HAVE to be there to keep our kids from going nuts. Pretending we are the perfect parents we imagine ourselves to be. Pretending we don't need the carousel, ice-cream, playground, K-B, Pet Store, and Disney Store fix the boys think they do.

Well, folks, I NEED it. There, I got it out. As much as I hate to work, and be away from my home, I need the mall. Every Friday I get a little pep in my step towards the end of the day. For when I get home I know me and Cindy and the boys are going to the flippin' mall. Woo Hoo! I know there's more of you weirdos out there like me. Stand up and be counted. It's cool to like the mall! No, no it's not. It's really not. What is cool is seeing my boys having fun. They look forward to it and they ALWAYS have fun, every time. Maybe that's what I'm addicted to, watching them have fun. When they get excited, I get excited too. They find joy in such small things. It's hard not to get sucked into the world of a child, and lose yourself to laughter.

This summer will end soon, and with it the basic need to find AC as soon as possible. Our escapes will be less urgent, more at a whim. Maybe that's what makes these times so special. The need to be somewhere/anywhere else, together. Maybe this heat isn't so bad after all.

Us Vs. Them

The boys have declared War on our sovereignty. It has been building for a while. I could sense an impending struggle for power the minute Brady was born. I knew the day would come when they would join forces and rebel against us. I just thought it would be when they were older. Waaaaay older.

The supper table has become our main battle front. It's not that they are picky eaters, or light eaters. They are just giggly eaters. All it takes is one look from one of them and all HELL breaks loose. Jake starts doing everything he can to make Brady puke from laughter. Then Brady will lose his mind and suddenly our nice family meal, is.....Over. Gone. Ashes to ashes, crust to crust. It's all we can do to keep our parental facade up instead of joining in on the insanity.

Then there's the boy's rooms. I cringe every time a door slams. They think it's hilarious to slam their bedroom doors. Why? Because it's loud and easy to do I guess. I bought a door stop, but that is easily defeated by little-boy ingenuity. "Hmmm...I like how you put that under the door Daddy. Almost as much as I like taking it out". I've already had to re-hang Jake's door. The constant slamming and sheer force ripped the screws out of the wood. Fantastic.

Maybe we will win this uprising, but I don't see it happening anytime soon. These two boys have a good plan, and we have.....a headache.

Read to your children...

So, all those magazines, T.V. shows, family members and total strangers in the checkout line were right. You SHOULD read to your kids. Early and often, like it or not. For this reason; they will teach the younger ones to read(or occupy them long enough so you can use the bathroom alone for once). Not that Jake can read yet, but the stories he makes up are more interesting than most of his books. Except "Everyone Poops". Literary genius. Jake will point to pictures in the books and ask Brady to tell him what they are or what sound they make. Those of you who know Brady, know he doesn't stay in one place for long. However, when Jake reads to him, he'll gladly sit for 10 minutes or so. Then he'll goad Jake into a game of "catch me if you can". The tomfoolery never stops, it just pauses to catch it's breath now and again.

There's no one quite like Daddy

Disclaimer: This is Jake and Brady's Mommy writing, so if it's not as clever and funny as the rest, you'll know why.

I'm writing to tell you a little about the most important man in Jake and Brady's life....their Daddy. As you can tell from his posts, he has a great sense of humor and he loves his boys more than anything in the world. The love those boys share with their Daddy is indescribable.

Every morning when Jake wakes up he asks, "Where's Daddy?" After waiting for my usual reply telling him that Daddy has gone to work, he says "I miss him." He can't wait for Daddy to get home so he can tackle him. There is a special bond between a boy and his Daddy. Jake loves movie time with Daddy. Whether it be going to the theater to share some popcorn and an Icee, or going to the pizza place and the video store for "Pizza and a Movie Night," Jake loves this time. Daddy has a way of telling stories that almost hypnotizes Jake. He uses funny voices, great sound effects, and hilarious story lines. If I had a nickel for every time Jake said, "Tell a story," I would be a rich woman! Daddy is also the person that encourages boogers, burps, and other bodily functions. Jake sleeps with a teddy bear that his Daddy used to sleep with when he was a little boy, and he is covered up every night with Daddy's old Transformers blanket. What could make a boy feel more comfortable than that?

Brady is also smitten with his Daddy. He loves to dance with Daddy while he sings "Dancing with Brady." Brady has already caught on that Daddy is the artistic one in the family, and drags his Magnadoodle over to Daddy to help him draw. No one in the world can make the book "Dinosaur Roar" come to life quite like Daddy can. If Daddy is sitting on the couch, Brady is usually standing on his feet and legs, or climbing his way up to sit with him and enjoy some "icey kisses." Daddy can't eat anything without Brady "sharing" half of it with him. To Brady, there is no one better to run around with outside and play with the hose until you are soaking wet, than Daddy. Brady has a laugh that is contagious, and Daddy has a way of getting it out of him with no effort at all. As long as Daddy is around...he is all smiles.

I could not be more proud of my two little angels, and I could not be happier that they have a Daddy like him.

Bedtime

There is nothing better than bedtime stories. Something magical happens in that quiet time before they close their eyes. I can see their imagination come to life and carry them away to dream land. Those are the times that make me believe in Heaven.

Brady is still pretty easy to please at bedtime. Mommy tucks him in and tells him a little story and he's good to go. Maybe he'll sing a couple of songs, maybe give the ol' thumb some lovin'. Then he grabs his blanky and rolls over into sweet slumber.

Jake prefers his stories to have multiple characters and a hilarious plot. You have to wrap it up with the main character/s going to bed. It's possible to rush through a story and I admit I sometimes do. The longer I take though, the better, for all concerned. He gets so involved, and he'll lay real close and snuggle up. If I'm lucky, he'll throw an arm over my neck and say, "I love you." Manipulation or not, he gets an extra few minutes for that.

Pumpkin Boy

The boys made pumpkin pie with Mommy today. The house smelled so non-Atkins approved when I got home that I nearly lost my mind. Without question, pumpkin pie is Jake's favorite food. He has a way of eating it that you have to witness first-hand to believe. It's not so much eating as it is attacking. Like the pie is a direct threat to his very existence. He'll kill a piece in 15 seconds...I wish I was exaggerating.

Mmmmm...Feet

Little boys enjoy weird smells. Especially when they come from little brothers. Jake has gotten to be the Poop Detective around here. Whenever Brady is suspect, he'll go on a confirm or deny mission for us. Brady's digestive system works like greased lighting, so needless to say Jake has ample opportunity to hone his craft.

OK, enough poop posts for a while.

Luck

Ever thought about luck? Why some people seem to have it and others don't? Every day I get to wake up and be a Father. I get to be a Husband. I have no idea what I did to deserve those things. Well, I know the physics behind it, but not the logic. With all the stupid and irresponsible things I have done in this life, there is no reason I should have what I do. I should have a small cardboard box for a house, and a sickly rat for a pet.

Tonight, I talked to an old friend. He is getting ready to go back somewhere he doesn't want to go, but he is going there anyway...for us. He has no kids. He has no wife. His adult life has been one of service, sacrifice, and pain. Yet, for all that, he hasn't been blessed with my luck. Why? He deserves what I have. He deserves the endless love of a woman, and the boundless joy of children.

I want so bad for him to know my boys, and for them to know him. They both got to talk to him on the phone for a few seconds tonight. That's not enough though. I want him to see them grow up, and for him to have a hand in it. Tonight, I am praying that luck is on my side again, and he will come back safe. That he will be blessed with a wife and children when he returns. That he gets to see my boys before they grow up too fast(maybe that's too late).

So, there it is. That's my serious side. Sarcasm and wit are nice, but once in a while I'm going to be this way, get over it.

The Dreaded Throne

So...time to talk about feces. We've been hitting the potty training pretty hard this summer. When I say "we" I mean Cindy and I. When I say Cindy and I, I mean Cindy. I try my best to help when I get home, but my best is slightly shy of mediocre. Jake is real big into talking about it. It's the putting it into action phase that's not clicking. I guess for a guy who's always on the go, why stop to go? Works for me. I don't think my customers would appreciate my charming aroma though.

What a strange thing to have to learn. "Ok Son, everything you used to know about your poop is wrong. Now, we are going to make you go in a big hard thing that is uncomfortable to sit on. But hey, you get to flush it at the end. But don't flush ANYTHING else OK?" I'm glad the ACLU hasn't started taking cases from toddlers who revolt against potty training. We'd be in a world of...nevermind.

Thoughts on burgers and slides

What marketing genius decided that they should put playgrounds in fast-food joints? As if their food isn't addictive enough. They decided to prey on our kids' need to play on things that are inherently filthy. Now, not only do I get to feel guilty for letting them eat steroid-injected-meat-like products and trans-fatty acids(whatever that is, Oprah says it's bad), but I also get to worry about what kind of foot fungus, pink-eye, and other junk they are picking up. Perrrrrfect. Here's to the hope that whatever it is they are sliding around on in there BOOSTS their immune system instead of infecting it. Yeah right.

Brady trying to pretend he's sweet

Jake at Burger King

Jake showing us that yes, he is civilized.

Brady entertaining us at supper tonight.

and then there were two...

So, Jake was born September 15th, 2002. Brady was born October 22nd, 2003. That's right. I couldn't wait. 13 months apart. Sue me. Actually, Cindy's reproductive organs have filed a class-action suit against me and there is a cease and desist order in effect. So, no more little ones for a while.

Now, some background on the dudes. When Cindy was pregnant with Jake she had a pretty easy time. I had a great time. A son on the way! What could be better? 25 years old and I was going to be a father. Outstanding. For all you people who grew up watching too much TV like I did, you have a distorted view of what childbirth is. I used to think, OK..her water will break at a fancy dinner, then we'll just barely make it to the hospital. She'll labor for about 3 seconds, push 5 times and lickity, split...it's Daddy Time! B.S. Frankly. Cindy's water broke at a Nissan dealership. It wasn't a "splash" it was a trickle. In fact she thought she had peed herself. Then she got to labor for 19 hours, 2 hours of that was pushing. F-U Bill Cosby.

But I digress. Jake was an angel from the start. Heck, he didn't even cry until he was about 5 minutes old. His excuse was that he was "stunned" from being stuck for 2 hours...sure, sure. I was there, didn't look that bad (said the man sleeping on the couch for that). He was a big baby, with a full head of hair and then some. He grew so fast those first few months it was incredible. Just a big ball of cheeks and hair. He started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks. I know, we are that lucky...once. Anyway, from that point on he just kept doing more of the same, eating, growing, pooping, smiling, laughing, and pooping. He got real good at hitting me in the face with his little water cannon. Even got me and mommy once with his splatter bomb....don't ask. Anyway, time flew and he got too big. Jake is real big into music. The Wiggles, Toby Keith..you know, the classics. He'll memorize a song after the third time her hears it, lyrics and all. Which is nice when he starts singin along to "I'll never smoke weed with Willie again". Ahhh..parental guidance NOT suggested. He's almost 3 now and there isn't anything that boy won't do. Except use the toilet consistently. He takes after his father.

Now, lets hear some about that Brady character shall we? Brady was on the scene in a big way from the beginning. I know this is going to sound unbelievable, because I still dont understand it, but we didn't know we were having him until Cindy was 5 months along. Yes...now pick your jaw off the floor, it happens. Apparently Cindy's body was even in denial about the situation because, her friend just kept right on coming every month. Until month five. I felt her belly one day and something wasn't quite right. The Doc said her uterus would only take a few weeks to go down, which it did, but it seemed to have gotten bigger. Hmmm...what could that mean...what could that mean? My feeble brain said, "There has to be sumthin amiss here son, that ain't right!" So, we got a home test and sure-a-shootin' she wasn't a medical abnormality. It was like finding out you won a lottery that you didn't really buy a ticket for. Reality kind of stopped for a few days while it sunk in. So, a few days later, off to the OB/GYN we went. Dr. O is probably the coolest Doctor I've ever met. She's pretty young so that helps, and she has an offbeat sense of humor. That helps a lot. Especially with the news she was about to give us. She did an ultra sound and WOOPS! she said, "Congratulations, you're pregnancy is half over, it's another boy." W-w-w-w-w-what?!? Good Lord, what are we gonna do...that's what I remember thinking at the time....that and How in the @#%$???

Now, being that she was so far along, the preganacy was awesome. Until the end. Not so much being pregnant, but having to care for a 1 year old and a 26 year old at the same time. The stuff of legend. Again, she kind of silently went into labor. No splash, no trickle, just contractions. 12 hours of labor and...suprise, suprise..7 pushes later, Brady was here. Now that dude, was a screamer. He was letting everybody know, that,"Yes, in fact Mommy WAS pregnant, but she is no longer and HERE I AM." Now, Brady really, really liked the hospital. So much so that he stayed and extra 2 days basking in the glow of UV lights. Not being able to take him home right away and seeing him in the NICU was unadulterated hell. Maybe it was adulterated. Whichever is worse. For all the parents out there who have had to face a long stay there, I salute you. You are my heroes. Taking him home was awesome. Right up until the round the clock feedings. Then it was so much fun, I can't describe it. He did eventually sleep through the night, like 6 weeks ago. No, more like at about 5 months into it. But, at that point it might as well be 5 years. Sleep is WAY underrated. He grew up way too fast. While Jake likes to sit and read and tell stories, Brady would rather climb something and jump off that something. He runs like he is just a shade behind Carl Lewis in the last 10 meters of a race. Hands back and chin forward. Yes, he is prone to injury.

Overall, I can't believe my luck with these two. It's like getting to hang out with the coolest kids in school everyday. They just make me feel better than I am. When they run up and hug me when I get home from work, I melt. If they could bottle the fun we have together, there would be no need for Prozac. Drug dealers would be pushing it on street corners..."Yo, I got some crazy stuff here man, pure-grade tickle fight. Get you happy as $#&!."