Best intentions

Today was not Jake's best day. He had a great day at school, but a bad day hanging out in the classroom with Mommy after school. When he got home, more of the same. No matter what was going on...he just couldn't make things go his way. Then, when we were in the bathroom brushing their teeth before bed, I put an arm around Jake's head and hugged him, and he bit me. I should have known better, because like me, he hates people touching his face. Still though, biting isn't cool.

I was mad at him. I told him to get in his bed which he did. Then I said, "Goodnight Jake", from his doorway and walked into Brady's room to say goodnight to him. After I walked out of Brady's room I went into our bathroom to take a shower. That's when I heard it. Jake was crying his eyes out. He was in hysterics. Cindy came running to get me, just as I was going to see what was wrong. I should have known. I didn't tell him I loved him before I said goodnight.

I have never felt so low in all my life. He was crying so hard. I hugged him and told him I loved him. I told him that just because I was mad at him, didn't mean I didn't love him. Most importantly though I said I was wrong. I have always told the boys that no matter what they do, or what anybody does to them, I will always love them. I have said, "I love you", at bedtime every night possible their whole lives.

Jake looked at me and said, "My heart hurts, it's just broken in tiny little pieces".
With that, my heart was broken into tiny little pieces too. It's a heck of a thing when a five year old can express himself like that. As hard as it was to hear, I'm glad that he said it. Too many times, I find myself getting a little too relaxed in my job as a Father. Those words were a great wake-up call.

Jake, we're going to have a better day tomorrow. We promised each other that tonight. I'm not going to try, I'm going to do it. I love you to the ends of the Earth, up past the stars, and brighter than the Sun. Goodnight my son.