Been a while.

I don't even know how long it's been since I have written on here. A year? More? I don't know.

So much has changed since the last time to be certain. We've ridden a roller coaster this past couple years. I feel like a dolt for starting this for the boys and not keeping up with it. They need to know how we made it through these times when their memories fail to connect the dots.

This next part is written directly to my sons, since that is whom I intend to read this in perpetuity.

My sons,

This is part of my life I will call "Learning to Endure". We have come up against challenge after challenge recently. Some days it feels like we are taking the same test over and over again. Some days the test gets harder, some days it stays the same. Always though, it is a test. One that I don't know if I am passing or failing just yet.

I am afraid that I may not find out how I did until you are grown men, taking the tests of life yourselves. This is greatly disturbing to me. I want more than anything to prepare you for the rigors of life, but some days I feel like I have failed. Up and down, back and forth failed. If I fail you two, what is worth of my life? To me...not much.

So I keep trying. Keep taking those tests.

If I can teach you nothing else in this life, I hope you learn from me to never give up. No matter what someone does or says, or how bleak the future looks, keep moving forward. Even if you feel you have succeeded, keep going. Dreams come and go in the blink of an eye. Your goal today, may be meaningless to you tomorrow. Don't quit. You two are capable of more than think you are. Always. You always have more in you. Don't quit.

In my life I have not always done what I am asking you to do. Learn from my mistakes. I'm not asking you to be better than me , just to let the best parts of you come out and never put them back.

When I look at you two, I see the promises I made to myself when I was a kid. I was going to be this...going to be that. Some things I set out to do, I accomplished. Many I did not. I am still trying for the rest. In your short time on Earth, I have seen in you a drive that I never had. You want to be who you want to be and no one can tell you differently. How awesome! Please hold on to that. Let it take you there and beyond. The world is not big enough to contain you. Reach higher. Be legendary.

Alright...that's enough of me preaching at you for one night.

I love you with all my heart and every piece of me. You are worth any struggle, any price, and any pain. Your life brings me a joy I never imagined possible. I cannot thank you enough for coming to me, and letting me share the journey.

-Daddy