Ok boys, here are a few things you are NEVER allowed to do. And, if you do them, expect swift and severe punishment. There will be more of the "rules" to follow as I think of them.
1) NEVER...Hang out in front of the mall and smoke. Do not be THAT kid. I will end you. Smoking is bad enough and I will throttle you unmercifully for it. However, if you try and be cool and advertise to the world that you are somehow cooler for smoking in front of the mall...I will end you.
2) NEVER...Play the stare-down game with someone in another car, just because you are with your buddies and you think you are tough. You might be, but there are always tougher dudes out there looking for a reason to prove it. They may call your bluff and it might not be with just their fists.
3) NEVER...Fail to open a door for a female who is within 20 feet of you. Especially after making eye contact. This applies to people with small children and basically anyone who looks to be in need of common courtesy. A little nice goes a long way.
4) NEVER...Start a fight for no good reason. Walk away if you can. If you can't, then finish it the other way. Respectfully put the other person on the ground. Hard. Then offer them a hand up.
5) NEVER...Lie. Even if it rips your guts out, tell the truth. If you don't, and I catch you lying...I will rip your guts out.
6) NEVER...Forget that no matter what you do, or what anyone does to you...I will always love you.
Friday, June 30, 2006
I am Sabretooth
I am Sabretooth. Jake is Wolverine. Brady is The Beast. Mommy is Rogue. We are all nerds.
Our battles usually start with Wolverine and The Beast picking a fight with me. I am not a coward so I accept their challenge. Ferocious tickling ensues until Rogue comes in to absorb my powers with a slight touch and send me crashing to the floor. Being a mutant with super-fast healing ability, I quickly recover.
Then Wolverine and Beast take refuge high atop Mt. IKEA. I growl and snarl, daring them to come down. Eventually they come down and it's on like Donkey Kong. They get tossed onto the Beanbags of Doom. Then lifted high into the air into my patented double-leg reverse tickle. Finally back down to be pinned to the ground and tickled into submission.
Eventually I lose every battle, but I will win the War. Oh yes, I will win.
Our battles usually start with Wolverine and The Beast picking a fight with me. I am not a coward so I accept their challenge. Ferocious tickling ensues until Rogue comes in to absorb my powers with a slight touch and send me crashing to the floor. Being a mutant with super-fast healing ability, I quickly recover.
Then Wolverine and Beast take refuge high atop Mt. IKEA. I growl and snarl, daring them to come down. Eventually they come down and it's on like Donkey Kong. They get tossed onto the Beanbags of Doom. Then lifted high into the air into my patented double-leg reverse tickle. Finally back down to be pinned to the ground and tickled into submission.
Eventually I lose every battle, but I will win the War. Oh yes, I will win.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Land of 1000 Dances
Poor to very poor quality but still, it's cool. The boys dig on this song like you wouldn't believe. They have all the grunts, yells, and na-na-na's down. Kind of a "have to be there" thing, but thought I'd share it anyway.
Roping the wind
We had to seperate the squirrels today. We do this every once in a while just let them know that they are actually seperate people. Most of the time they spin around together like they are caught in a three-foot tornado. Stuff flies out of the vortex unexpectedly, things get broken, and the innocent are left crying and helpless in the wind.
For now, the little microbursts are napping soundly in their beds. No doubt dreaming of new and exciting ways to tear the house apart.
For now, the little microbursts are napping soundly in their beds. No doubt dreaming of new and exciting ways to tear the house apart.
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Fight the Power
Brady thinks he has control over all of God's creation. Well, he does until someone tells him otherwise. Yeah, he's two and that comes with the territory, but still. His newest revolt is going to sleep. Used to be you could put him in bed, two stories later he is sawing logs. The last week or so, he's been sitting up demanding things, crying, yelling at us, yelling at Jake, and just generally fighting "The Man".
Tonight, even Jake had to tell him to be quiet and to go to sleep. When the King of singing, talking, and playing Superman in bed, tells you to be quiet and go to sleep...you have a problem. Brady, son, I love you...but please. Enough already. Just GO TO SLEEP!
Tonight, even Jake had to tell him to be quiet and to go to sleep. When the King of singing, talking, and playing Superman in bed, tells you to be quiet and go to sleep...you have a problem. Brady, son, I love you...but please. Enough already. Just GO TO SLEEP!
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
It's hot dude.
Today, I finally had to break down and admit that it is indeed too hot. I could feel the sweat evaporating off my skin, only to be replaced by more sweat. All day long I looked like one of those Gatorade commercials where the dudes are just dripping. Except my sweat isn't all sorts of pretty Day-Glo colors. No matter how much water I drank, my body kept telling me,"Dude we need more water in here." Drink. Sweat. Drink. Sweat. Sweat. Sweat. Hallucinate. Have circular conversation with myself. Drink. Sweat.
And then, somehow, I finally got home. The boys had just gone down for a nap, but Jake was still awake, talking in his bed. I go in his room;
"Hey buddy, it's time to go to sleep."
"Daddy can I have a hug and a kiss?"
"I'm real dirty, so how about just a kiss?"
"Sure, Daddy." (mmmmwah)
"I love you pal, get some good sleep."
"I love you too Daddy, I'm happy you're home."
"I'm super-happy to be home with you Jake."
That's what it's all about. I can take anything mother nature can dish out as long as I have that kinda action when I get home. Good stuff.
And then, somehow, I finally got home. The boys had just gone down for a nap, but Jake was still awake, talking in his bed. I go in his room;
"Hey buddy, it's time to go to sleep."
"Daddy can I have a hug and a kiss?"
"I'm real dirty, so how about just a kiss?"
"Sure, Daddy." (mmmmwah)
"I love you pal, get some good sleep."
"I love you too Daddy, I'm happy you're home."
"I'm super-happy to be home with you Jake."
That's what it's all about. I can take anything mother nature can dish out as long as I have that kinda action when I get home. Good stuff.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Happy Father's Day
Happy Day dudes. I got a belt & disc sander. I was the first person in the door when Toys R Us opened. My boys are running around in Superman shirts, and laughing. All this and it's only 12:45PM. Nice. Best. Father's Day. Ever.
OK...now, it's 10:15PM and the day is done. Time to clarify and recap a few things.
Belt and disc sander. No, I didn't get a waist belt AND a disc sander. It's a power tool that includes both a disc sander and belt sander in one tool. It's sweet and it's all mine. Uh..and no, you can't borrow it.
Toys R Us. What can I say? I am a 29 year old toddler. We spent over an hour in there, but I wanted to stay longer. From bikes to trains, to video games it's the biggest toy store there is. I don't wanna grow up, but even if I did, I'd wanna be a Toys R Us kid. It's true.
Superman. I have been a Superman nerd since I was a wee lad. I get chills when I hear the Superman theme. So, now that the boys have caught the fever, I am completely regressing into my 5-year-old self. June 28th cannot come fast enough.
So thats the clarification. Now on to the recap.
The boys took a nap. Bonus. I went to Home Depot. Double bonus. We went to see our respective families, and no insanity ensued. Triple Bonus.
This has been just a completely perfect day from start to finish. Thank you Cindy for setting this all up for me, and for the most important part...my boys. Without you letting me be the Father of these two, I would never have my belt and disc sander....I mean I would never get to know the outright joy of being a Daddy.
OK...now, it's 10:15PM and the day is done. Time to clarify and recap a few things.
Belt and disc sander. No, I didn't get a waist belt AND a disc sander. It's a power tool that includes both a disc sander and belt sander in one tool. It's sweet and it's all mine. Uh..and no, you can't borrow it.
Toys R Us. What can I say? I am a 29 year old toddler. We spent over an hour in there, but I wanted to stay longer. From bikes to trains, to video games it's the biggest toy store there is. I don't wanna grow up, but even if I did, I'd wanna be a Toys R Us kid. It's true.
Superman. I have been a Superman nerd since I was a wee lad. I get chills when I hear the Superman theme. So, now that the boys have caught the fever, I am completely regressing into my 5-year-old self. June 28th cannot come fast enough.
So thats the clarification. Now on to the recap.
The boys took a nap. Bonus. I went to Home Depot. Double bonus. We went to see our respective families, and no insanity ensued. Triple Bonus.
This has been just a completely perfect day from start to finish. Thank you Cindy for setting this all up for me, and for the most important part...my boys. Without you letting me be the Father of these two, I would never have my belt and disc sander....I mean I would never get to know the outright joy of being a Daddy.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
All better now
Earlier tonight I was rushed to the hospital. First they took x-rays to determine the extent of my injuries. The doctors concluded that I needed emergency exploratory surgery right away. I was whisked to the OR where the two finest surgeons in the world went to work on me.
Turns out I had eaten a toybox, a bicycle, a shirt, Shrek, an apple, an orange with the peel on it, a pair of pants, an eyeball and other assorted nonsense. I don't remember ingesting all of that, but I'm sure glad they got it all out of me. But that wasn't the end of it. I also needed a brain transplant. Luckily, there was one readily available and they had it swapped out in no time at all.
They stitched up my head and stomach and applied bandages and kisses liberally. Normally, this would have been extremely uncomfortable to be recieving kisses from your doctors but, I let it slide this time. I figure they saved my life, that's the least I can do.
I really gotta start watching what I eat.
Turns out I had eaten a toybox, a bicycle, a shirt, Shrek, an apple, an orange with the peel on it, a pair of pants, an eyeball and other assorted nonsense. I don't remember ingesting all of that, but I'm sure glad they got it all out of me. But that wasn't the end of it. I also needed a brain transplant. Luckily, there was one readily available and they had it swapped out in no time at all.
They stitched up my head and stomach and applied bandages and kisses liberally. Normally, this would have been extremely uncomfortable to be recieving kisses from your doctors but, I let it slide this time. I figure they saved my life, that's the least I can do.
I really gotta start watching what I eat.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Books
Do you like books? I do. I like books on History, War, Politics, Nature, Wilderness Survival, and *ahem* Superheroes(comic books). However, what I read mostly are books dealing with deep social issues. Complex tales involving multiple characters, subplots, and emotions. Books that teach a lesson while at the same time being visually stimulating.
Yeah, I read a lot of children's books. Over and over. The thing is, the more I read them, the more I don't like "real" literature. I can invest maybe 5 minutes in a children's book and it's smiles all around and, "Read it again Daddy!" Or, I can read one of my most favorite history books for hours and all I get is a head full of useless knowledge and sleepy eyes. Do the math.
Before the boys, I would read a 300 page book in one night, maybe two if I was feeling lazy. Now, I read my books maybe once or twice a week. And thats when I'm needing an extra dose of drowsy.
When I'm an old man, and I have the time to read whatever I choose, whenever I choose what will I reach for? Chances are it will be something from the Seuss collection. If my eyes fail me, it won't matter because I know all of those stories by heart. I will sit and remember the times I read them to my boys, and the smiles we all shared.
Yeah, I read a lot of children's books. Over and over. The thing is, the more I read them, the more I don't like "real" literature. I can invest maybe 5 minutes in a children's book and it's smiles all around and, "Read it again Daddy!" Or, I can read one of my most favorite history books for hours and all I get is a head full of useless knowledge and sleepy eyes. Do the math.
Before the boys, I would read a 300 page book in one night, maybe two if I was feeling lazy. Now, I read my books maybe once or twice a week. And thats when I'm needing an extra dose of drowsy.
When I'm an old man, and I have the time to read whatever I choose, whenever I choose what will I reach for? Chances are it will be something from the Seuss collection. If my eyes fail me, it won't matter because I know all of those stories by heart. I will sit and remember the times I read them to my boys, and the smiles we all shared.
Friday, June 09, 2006
Enough already.
I'm fed the heck up with driving around this city and seeing little kids ditty bopping around unrestrained in moving vehicles. No excuse. Absolutely none. You can go to any police station and some hospitals here and get a free car seat. FREE! So, it must be pure laziness. Unbelievable.
On the way home from the mall tonight we saw a disturbing example of this behavior. A newer Isuzu Rodeo with a little child jumping around in the backseat. That's bad enough, but once we got close to the vehicle, we could clearly see that the driver had her seatbelt securely fastened. OK. That says all I need to know about that person. She values her safety over the childs safety. Perfect. As if I didn't have enough wonderful feelings for the selectively retarded members of our society.
Buckle your kids up before my head explodes. Please.
On the way home from the mall tonight we saw a disturbing example of this behavior. A newer Isuzu Rodeo with a little child jumping around in the backseat. That's bad enough, but once we got close to the vehicle, we could clearly see that the driver had her seatbelt securely fastened. OK. That says all I need to know about that person. She values her safety over the childs safety. Perfect. As if I didn't have enough wonderful feelings for the selectively retarded members of our society.
Buckle your kids up before my head explodes. Please.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
June 6th 1944
Could you do it? Could you step off that landing craft? 62 years ago today, 1465 American men took their last steps off those boats. That's just in one day. On one long stretch of sand in France.
My sons, this is bravery.