8 years

Wow. 8 years ago huh? I can't believe it's been that long since that clear day in March 1999.

You know when I think back to that day I don't remember being nervous at all. That's a really strange thought isn't it? Me, not nervous. The biggest day of my life up till then and I was almost calm. Wait, no I was calm. I remember being excited, but more than that I was calm. Why was that?

There were a gozillion people there at the church. I didn't even notice them. It was a warm day and I was in an ill-fitting bulky tux. Still, the heat didn't get to me. A long Catholic ceremony filled with standing, kneeling, standing, kneeling, and uncomfortable silence. No big deal. What the heck? I should have been one of those dudes that ends up on America's Funniest Home Videos. I mean come on...

Now, with some perspective I can look back and see why I was so calm. Why nothing bothered me that should have and always does. Why I just existed in the moment there with you.

For the first time in my life I was totally sure of what I was doing. I wasn't scared for the future. I wasn't afraid of my decision. I was doing something undeniably right. A perfect choice. You where flawless that day. Just as you had been every day before that. I knew it. I felt it. And on that day, I felt flawless too. I wasn't, and God knows I am not now...but on that day, we both were.

Now, as much as we hoped and planned for from that day on, I wasn't prepared for all we would be blessed with now. Two sons. Two beautiful little boys who want nothing more than to be near one another. They tell us they love us and give us kisses and hugs without us asking for them. Sometimes we make mistakes as parents, just as they make mistakes, and we all forgive each other afterwards. We are learning as fast as they can teach us.

Yes, we have some nice material stuff. We both know though that is all it will ever be. Just stuff. Stuff has never been what defines us and I am proud of that. Our family has defined us for 8 years. The first three years we just kinda learned the ropes. The next five we really learned what it was to be married. We have been pushed, shoved, down at the bottom, up at the top and back down again. We have cried together, laughed together, pushed away from each other, and pulled so close we couldn't tell where one stopped and the other began. So it goes. That is who we are. I am in love with who we are.

I like counting on you more than I should count on anyone. I know you won't be here forever but I like pretending you will be. You give me the freedom to fail. You know when to reign me in and when to let me go. You accept my insecurities yet you don't let me be bound by them. I am not your equal but you treat me as though I am. You are everything I am not.

Cindy. My wife. Then, now, and always. I loved you. I still love you. I will always love you.