Daddy has bad dreams too

Last night or actually early this morning, I had a horrible dream. It was a variation on a recurring dream I have had since I found out I was going to be a Father 5 years ago: someone taking my child/children from me. Last night it was about both boys being held by some guy who wanted to get back at me for something. In my dream I could feel their fear, feel his hate and I was just helpless. When I awoke I was physically sick to my stomach.

My dreams have a tendency of staying with me throughout the day. All day I have hugged the boys a little tighter, stared at their faces a little more, tried to listen a little better. As much as I try and protect them from bad things I know it's impossible to shield them from everything and that nags the heck out of me. So at night those fears surface in my dreams and boy...talk about vivid. In my dreams all five senses are hyper alert and I remember almost all of them. When they are good, man it's great. I have a little bounce in my step the next day. But when they are bad, I feel like I am carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Usually I can kind of program my brain into having good dreams, but most of the time I am lazy and forget to do it. Tonight, I am going to try and focus on everything good that we have going on. The boys are so excited by life and everything in it and that's where I want my mind to take me, into their dreams. Make some room boys, I need a little silly time tonight.